SO many things.So many worries.Where to begin??I do not even have time to come to the blogger.I do post at Journal website,its more private however I do not even go there anymore either.Or Myspace.Just linger around Facebook from here and there.
I haven't bought gymboree,(online),or any of those things I USED to do online.I stopped posting and responding emails like I used to.I miss those girls,a lot.my life,my mind has taken a whole new direction!
Part of me feels depressed.Its something thats been lingering forever.Festering.In my heart,my mind...Just "bummed".Its not going to get me any antidepressants.I read enough about them to feel an annoyance about them.Not going to get "Happy" Pills,as they are called(inappropiately imo)..However,i DO see how they get that name lol.
Billy..another one just like me.Depressed.I seriously feel we are NOT happy with how our lives are going,where they are going.We expected better,we really expected more out of our lives.WOrk is just Minimal.Money is just Rediculouse.100$ is just NOTHING,and gone in a blink of an eye.Shit,5000K a month is just surviving here for us.its time for us to really consider talking and moving.The question is WHERE..and things are easier said than done.
I feel guilty,being depressed I tend to slack with things.You neeed Money and lots of it,to do things you really want to do.Without it,Its not happening.Doesn't everybody KNOw that???Than top it off,I feel more depressed looking at people I love cry and feel depressed themselves for other similar reasons but on the other side of the coin if that makes sense.Spending TOO much money lol...wow.I suppose u can get depresse about that!however,there,you have a CHOICE.Spend,or NOT spend.Here..its like day by day,month by month.I do know,I should feel appreciative.There are people who are doing SO much worse....and have illnesses,and health issues etc.There is a war out there.Maybe some of my depression has to do with the LIES we are hearing from our OWN country leaders.Its pretty pathetic.They sit and just lie to us,and we are supposed to take it??wow...I thought they worked for US??the USA people..Hmmm makes me think.Its no WONDER the country,women and MEN are all affected and just DEPRESSED!! To THINK of it,I never felt,just a huge dissapointment,and lack of faith for people and respect of "LIFE" till 9/11/01!!Its a date thats forever in my head!!!
I pass my time driving my girls.
I read novels,perfect escape.I'm an escape artist.Truley..In many senses of the way.Billy knows that.
He is the ONLY one who knows me fully completely and utterly.So much that I won't ever leave or hurt him in any way.To love me so broken is unreal.He is broken too...how do two broken people raise children?I have NO idea but our children our family is our EVERYTHING!!!!We do our best.People can complain.Say OH nancy does THIS...Or wow,she is miss NICE to her kids...whatever..complain away.I don't sweat the small stuff.If I did I'd go into a mental home.Seriously.I'm sure there are some who would love to see me wind up there (sigh)..there are always those who really love when others would FAIL and that is just EVIL in my opinion!!!!
I am sad,that stephanie and Avah,and Rob are not moving here to NJ.
That said,Ashley went to FLorida for a week(not even).She wants to stay till Sunday but I really need her home.Do I sound selfish?She needs to do her work she is behind on???what do people think?I know from tue till Friday she needs to catch UP!
Lauren is LOVING school.Praise GOD for that:) She is in Special Preschool due to her SPEECH ,she is SO behind in SPEECH...yet I am not seeing her take speech classes,Only 1xs a week.Oh well its somethingg!
I need to post about Lauren.
I need to post about Brianna..everybody.Do I make a blog per kid?LOL..this is a just blurby blog as I labeled it when I created it.Whatever comes to MIND.Its not made with a goal to reach loads of women.Its just for ME.
I do have an idea,of a blog to reach women.Its just never been started.I do not know what platform to use.
I am off,I have to clean the house.My enery is down.My mojo is off.Lauren makes so many messes.Today is the onE day I am not runnin around everywhere.Tomorrow I WILL be.
I wonder if MIKE,Ashleys friend(boyfriend?) will come with me to pick her up???I do not want to o alone.I will o with my phone.
I am tire dof my phone.I want a different phone.I have a blackberry.I wonder if I can do a change to a different blackberry or the Iphone.I can o to ATT and find out.
TAXES..I need to do those too..SOON=)
AND ON and ON..=)
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