back to gym/or freeze another 3 mos?

I have to make choices.I am not going to pay 50$ a month for nothin.TOmorrow I am heading down to the gym,to either freeze it for 3 mos or just cancel and use up my final 3 mos.I think I am goin to chuck up the 2nd one.I feel run down,exhausted,weak,you name it.The gym...will be a huge help and stress reliever.

I am thinkin of stephanie in Florida and wonderin about her and mom and the choices,consequences of things.I cannot get certain things out of my head.Its just crazy all together.I miss Avah,and can't wait to see her.Next time I go,It'll be when I'm there alone...

whats in the air here?

SO many things.So many worries.Where to begin??I do not even have time to come to the blogger.I do post at Journal website,its more private however I do not even go there anymore either.Or Myspace.Just linger around Facebook from here and there.
I haven't bought gymboree,(online),or any of those things I USED to do online.I stopped posting and responding emails like I used to.I miss those girls,a lot.my life,my mind has taken a whole new direction!
Part of me feels depressed.Its something thats been lingering forever.Festering.In my heart,my mind...Just "bummed".Its not going to get me any antidepressants.I read enough about them to feel an annoyance about them.Not going to get "Happy" Pills,as they are called(inappropiately imo)..However,i DO see how they get that name lol.

Billy..another one just like me.Depressed.I seriously feel we are NOT happy with how our lives are going,where they are going.We expected better,we really expected more out of our lives.WOrk is just Minimal.Money is just Rediculouse.100$ is just NOTHING,and gone in a blink of an eye.Shit,5000K a month is just surviving here for us.its time for us to really consider talking and moving.The question is WHERE..and things are easier said than done.
I feel guilty,being depressed I tend to slack with things.You neeed Money and lots of it,to do things you really want to do.Without it,Its not happening.Doesn't everybody KNOw that???Than top it off,I feel more depressed looking at people I love cry and feel depressed themselves for other similar reasons but on the other side of the coin if that makes sense.Spending TOO much money lol...wow.I suppose u can get depresse about that!however,there,you have a CHOICE.Spend,or NOT spend.Here..its like day by day,month by month.I do know,I should feel appreciative.There are people who are doing SO much worse....and have illnesses,and health issues etc.There is a war out there.Maybe some of my depression has to do with the LIES we are hearing from our OWN country leaders.Its pretty pathetic.They sit and just lie to us,and we are supposed to take it??wow...I thought they worked for US??the USA people..Hmmm makes me think.Its no WONDER the country,women and MEN are all affected and just DEPRESSED!! To THINK of it,I never felt,just a huge dissapointment,and lack of faith for people and respect of "LIFE" till 9/11/01!!Its a date thats forever in my head!!!

I pass my time driving my girls.
I read novels,perfect escape.I'm an escape artist.Truley..In many senses of the way.Billy knows that.
He is the ONLY one who knows me fully completely and utterly.So much that I won't ever leave or hurt him in any way.To love me so broken is unreal.He is broken too...how do two broken people raise children?I have NO idea but our children our family is our EVERYTHING!!!!We do our best.People can complain.Say OH nancy does THIS...Or wow,she is miss NICE to her kids...whatever..complain away.I don't sweat the small stuff.If I did I'd go into a mental home.Seriously.I'm sure there are some who would love to see me wind up there (sigh)..there are always those who really love when others would FAIL and that is just EVIL in my opinion!!!!

I am sad,that stephanie and Avah,and Rob are not moving here to NJ.
That said,Ashley went to FLorida for a week(not even).She wants to stay till Sunday but I really need her home.Do I sound selfish?She needs to do her work she is behind on???what do people think?I know from tue till Friday she needs to catch UP!

Lauren is LOVING school.Praise GOD for that:) She is in Special Preschool due to her SPEECH ,she is SO behind in SPEECH...yet I am not seeing her take speech classes,Only 1xs a week.Oh well its somethingg!
I need to post about Lauren.
I need to post about Brianna..everybody.Do I make a blog per kid?LOL..this is a just blurby blog as I labeled it when I created it.Whatever comes to MIND.Its not made with a goal to reach loads of women.Its just for ME.
I do have an idea,of a blog to reach women.Its just never been started.I do not know what platform to use.
I am off,I have to clean the house.My enery is down.My mojo is off.Lauren makes so many messes.Today is the onE day I am not runnin around everywhere.Tomorrow I WILL be.
I wonder if MIKE,Ashleys friend(boyfriend?) will come with me to pick her up???I do not want to o alone.I will o with my phone.
I am tire dof my phone.I want a different phone.I have a blackberry.I wonder if I can do a change to a different blackberry or the Iphone.I can o to ATT and find out.
TAXES..I need to do those too..SOON=)
AND ON and ON..=)

DINNNER at HOME

 


My Happy GIrls....happy all the time it appears...LOL

Than ksgiving 2009:)

 


Our Family:) Happy Kids!!!Thanksgiving 2009!

THanksgiving 2009:)

 

Thanksgiving came and went.:) wonderful in each nd every way:) I was saddened by my Father in law,reflecting on my pictures 2 yrs ago he changed so much.i pray he heals and gets better soon.christmas is here soon,and we're running everywhere!
Today,I'm taking the time to try to CHILL but its not possible...again.I have so much I want to blog about,and say yet I need a good hour to think and do it.
Bottom line we are all ok.Stephanie is planning on heading to Jersey with Rob.Lots of things happening there....Ashley right now is at the mall(where the heck I SHOULD BE).:)
I know I am getting a beautiful comforter set allready for christmas...Ugg Boots,and I THINK billy got me jewelry..Maybe its just wishfull thinking...lol among itty stuff that add up.I love christmas,I am buying everything I think others would love and enjoy.
I look foward to this whole holiday.we have our tree up(pics in BILLS camera).I am just a random blogger,thats what I define my blog,random thoughts random pictures,and I do not post regularly,just randomly LoL.
GOD BLESS and MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I have to figue out how to set where pepole can reply to me,Help?? lol

Possibilities,and annoyed too~:(

One,There is a possibility if stephanie and Rob get things a certain way,they will be able to move up north here..in NJ:) I think it would be wonderful and I'm ecsastic at the thought of Avah Livign up here!!Its a much better environment for her!
Secondly,I am also ANNOYED as hell with what happened with my van!I mean seriously,what the hell??
I am not at fault,somebody cuts me off and now I have to cough up 500$ to pay for damages that were done to my van cause of the impact?You've got to be joking!Tomorrow,yeah,Tomorrow I'm calling the insurance company and disputing it with them!
The police report claimed it was "MY" fault cause "I hit from behind"..but if somebody CUTS you off??wat the hell then?Is there No blame there at all??I'm fuming!
Top it off,i saw a WOMAN driving.The report talks about a MAN.I asked Ashley too,who was driving a man or woman,she also said a woman.Very ODD imo.I wish I could really CLICK to that precise second.I know it was a woman.I just know it.Its annoying cause the report said MAN.WHY?ANd WHY did they make a right,when they clearly where supposed to just PULL over,these are things I am goign to brign up tomorrow!I hate being a pain..(SIGH)..but I hate more liars and whatever.I do not see them putting claims in,their car had hardly any damage.I'll flip if they do put in a claim.
NJ is awful,insurance wise.

I would love to move.It isn't goign to happen...not for a while I suppose if ever.
We sorta belong here.Where on earth would we go?lol..Things are set up nicely in some ways.WHy change it....

Anyways,I'm waiting for my hunny,my babee..I love you Billy forever and always.
You went to get us ICECREAM...I know the days are over..The icecream ones.LOL.I suppose one day ain't going to hurt us!

I have to gather up money.Time to snap pics of EVERY diaper,EVERY gymboree outfit,and sell it ALL.CHristmas money,Baptismal money,You name it money...galore!
I need LOTS of GOODLUCK...

worrying...

I am stumped as what to do regarding so much,stephanie and avah
Are in my thoughts and prayers!!!
I am bewildered!
I have issues with my van, needing to be fixed! Right now its at
The auto body shop getting the door fixed,next is the other side
Dent...HOPING it won't cost me $$$$$$ 500$$$$ deductable!I have a
Feeling it will :(
Well.we went to drs today and everything is ok,Billy needs more
Testing but we feel ok.I think and hope things will look up!!
Mom is in florida,I wish I was there.
Lauren was sick w an infection it took 3 days plus of fever before
She finally got an abx!! But now she is coughing!!! :(
I'm practicing using my javelin to post on blogger,wondering if
There's an app for that???To use documents and publish??
Well,I nvr have laptop time it seems lol

see if it works!!!video!

 

me and avah!

 
I had to throw in another picture of us two!
Thankgod I went to the dentist and fixed that ugly stain..omygosh!How on earth did I let it get to that!
Speaking of dentists..I have to hit the shower,kiss my laptop,avahs pics,goodbye!:( I hate leaving,and running all over!
TOP it off,Lauren spilled Some cereal on the floor.Yeah,She was sifting it like sand,with her sand toys(SIGH)..this is what I came home to today!(I was at wawa and with Brianna at the bus stop).
Life goes on....LOL..I'm not going to over react!I have ALL day to clean!I'll clean up the cereal,and ignore everything else and get the heck out..or i'll never get out of here!I spend my days cleaning for what?Nothing...cuase the minute the kids are out of school and running through this 3000 sq foot house,they actually make a mess in every square inch!
I definatey want to downsize!I am the cleaning lady!No wonder I let my tooth go..LOL..cause I have NO time!Now i'll MAKE time~by not sweating the small stuff no more!IT'll get done,when it'll get done!I never used to leave te house till the beds were made,and dishes done,OFF I go!!

Nanny N Avah1

 


:) Me and Avah:) boy she has little trumpet socks,covering her face!!I miss you sweetyums!XOXO

Avah coming home/Lauren with her.

 

This was taken in Florida!We were bringing Avah Home!Lauren(aunt Lauren lol) was so in awe of what was going on!!Right now,Billy went to the doctors,i'm looking out the window and whalla..my van is out there!What did he do??take the car?
We have to take Brianna to the dentist at 12:15!Than at 3pm I go to the dentist for MY OWN fill in!
I am beginning to believe that my abcessed tooth is healed.Is that normal?Or am I in denial?LOL cause it feels normal again!After all this time!I am flossing,brushing,and I feel if I take care of my teeth,it will NOT come back.I wanted it pulled,and now I am debating on why pull it at all?Its a dead tooth.It was root canaled,they can redo the root canal,but why bother?Time shall tell,but I'm thinking maybe the dentist was right,and i was wrong.Its worth trying to save the tooth always.:) Pulling should be the LAST resort!
I am thinking of Brianna,at teh dentist today.She is NOT going to be a happy camper!This is the girl who is NOT scared of fighting,running,throwing a football,you name it.However,needles is NOT her thing.Not Not Not!She IS going to be stubborn and headstrong about this whole thing.Brianna is a "know it all" ...lol.So she thinks.She is pretty smart,because she did say "why do they have to do anything to my "BABY" tooth,its going to fall out anyway".she has a small cavity on her baby tooth.So they want to put a fill in (after drilling it) a simple procedure however,for her,it might as well be a trip to the moon!I cannot wait till she heads off to Florida and meets her little niece Avah.I cannot believe my SMALL girls are Aunts.LOL thats just unique.Avah is a lucky little baby!She has 3 aunts and of course her mommy and everybody else!She has one uncle too!Rob has a brother!These are ALL young aunts and uncles!So at her wedding,they will all be dancing LOL..(I pray)..:) SHould be a fun day.I hopefully am around to dance with them all!
Anyways,life is like this.It goes,its beautiful,it has its ups and downs,stay strong,have faith in the Lord,and everything in the end turns out ok.
Even when we pass on...we go to Heaven:) So all in all,faith is huge!
Stephanie is right,I tend to talk about one t hing,than drift off to a completely opposite topic lol!
GOD BLESS!ALWAYS!

lol Lauren famous face!

 
Gotta Love it!She's doing great!Right now she is sleeping,today was a running around with mommy day.We went to the collision correctors,she was donned up in a cute camo childrens place jacket,blue jeans,and matching shirt...so casual if I may say so!Pony tail on top..bangs out of her face!Ya name it.she goes through hermomments,either she TALKS a LOT or she just goes all quiet and shy.LOL.:) Never thought i'd wind up with a shy one,but I was shy as a kid...i actually remember hiding behind moms jackets Lmao!

We had a busy day...after that we went to the police,than pharmacy than moms for lunch seen baby sarah and Aiden:) after that we hit the Insurance company to (jaw drop) find out Billy never got a CLAIM # lol.The lady that was working there,tells me WE need 500$ deposit,HUH?I said how is that?""If I go outside and hit YOUR car,and we BOTH have allstate,so to fix YOUR car that I hit while YOU sit here,YOU have to pay the 500$ deductable"...she was a little taken back at that.I felt bad,since she apparently wasn't competent lol.She was probably the grandmother of the owner..or something!OYE!
The lady who HIT my van did NOT do a claim.(wow does that NOT surprise me)...
well:) overall..it was not a bad day:) I have a very bad headache!
Billy has a bad toothache!
MAYBE on his way to an abcessed tooth,luckily he did get antibiotics(MY leftover),and his face DID swell up a BIT but it went RIGHT back down.MINE just kept going and oging till i went to the Hospitol.why on earth IS that?Immune system have anything to do with it?

I'm worried about SWINE flu...who isnt..the famous flu..:( I am so so worried!

a lil update...and pic

 
I'm playing with picassa so my other blog is going to be overloaded with pics soon:) as well as my websites.:)
Otherwise all is going ok.
Billy has a bad bad tooth ache,HOWEVER,after much MUCHdialing on the phone today I got a call back,from a dental clinic that WILL see him.

ahhh TGIF!

I'm SO relieved its FRIDAY and its NOT NOT SO not cold.I dislike the cold.Its not sunny though,but no need for air conditioner nor the heat.Love days that we don't need either or.
Well I have much to do today!!I woke up so groggy still.I fell asleep close to 2am,I lied down and than woke back up,so I decided to tackle some cleaning in the house.I mopped the kitchen,cleaned the toilets and tubs,and wiped down some walls that really need to be painted.Seriously....I hope Billy gets the time to do it and SOON.The holidays are coming and I seriously do not want to spend another holiday looking at that white wall in the parlor.That really drives me crazy,nor look at the curtain we have up there(verticle blinds) they are SOOOO 80's..MAUVE yuck!Time to get some beige or white curtains and paint the walls a light brown color with a darker accent by the fireplace.thats my plan.I also would love to eliminate the pictures.Completely!
SO that aside,I went to sleep late,and woke up cause Ashley had to be in school.Brianna woke up in tears her throat hurts.This child LOVES school so I did not pick that to be one of our batles.
Brianna N I do not,unfortunately,have the relationship I really would want to have with her.I will have to go the extra mile withher...she is totally a daddys girl.She is a tomboy which I do not relate to.I relate to girly girls,for I was one myself.She can throw a foot balll down the street just as good as 10 yr old Boy named Joe.She can run,she is smart as a whip.WHen Ashley went back out the other night,when her leg got hurt,Brianna is the one who pipes up and says "Mom,that is NOT good parenting".WHAT??Is that YOU Brianna??She really comes up with some good ones,clearly right out of the blue!
SHe hides her beauty completely,I have to literally force her to get her hair brushed,and sometimes she allows me to brush or straighten it (cause its LONg and it is so wavy she leaves it down and it becomes a mess.Its a way of order for her hair.LOL..I am not into using heat on her hair but we do it once in a while.
She does not like hair barrettes or hair bows.(SIGH)..Lauren will keep ALL Briannas bows.Hoping Lauren will like them!If not,they will be sold or given to Avah N Sarah.
Ebay probably would fetch a good dollar for SO many items I have!I should start ebaying!
Anyways,last night i applied for 3 jobs.I wonder if I will get them,or ONE of them.I need well I WANT a cash job.Something,doing something.I'm going stir crazy!=(
The holidays are getting near,and I want to go to Florida soon.I do not know where everybody thinks we have all this money to do everything!!!

Ok,next.I'm suffering from a tooth ache.AGAIN..n my other side.I realize now why they wanted to do a ROOT canal on that side.It hurts!SO this is my mouth as I type.
Right side,upper back teeth,Abcess was there,was on antibiotics,got off them for 2 days now,and it feels OK.I worry however that my face will swell up into cellulitis(I was in the hospitol for it) and I even had bad dream about it!Yikes!My lower right side,had a root canal(NEEDED Badly) and still doesn't have a crown.It does however have a temporary filling.(SIGH).Crown is on the way.
Upper Left Side hurts(towards the back)..thats where my next root canal is going to...I should hurty and fix my teeth before something happens and I do not get dental anymore!Yikes!
My concern is the abcess is going to come back,and get reinfected.There is no way the abcess is just GONE..like OPOOF disppeared!
WELL.I'm off,to WAWA and billy and Brianna.I have to get my car (van) off for it to be fixed.Some lady hit it.I need an estimate,and the whole shebang.
BUSYBUSY..even on a quiet Friday morning!

SLIDESHOW summer 09

My Beautful Grand daughter Avah Marie!

I miss her so much!She looked up at me with her LIGHT blue eyes..yes LIGHT blue,so young and her eyes are right away BLUE...wait and see,I bet she'll have white blonde hair lol.
Avah Marie...WE love YOU!
She's lucky,Not only everybody in Florida who adore her,she also has THREE AUNTS...LOL Lauren is only 3:) Grandmom,PopPops (billy),and My mom etc...cousins(my brothers twins) everybody!!
wishing they would move here:(

wowzers LONG time!I'm a grandmother!

I'm going to start with the obvious!There has been SO much going on in my life I haven't had the time to post anything!
The most exciting thing so far,is My grand daughter Avah Marie was born!She was born tues Oct 13th at 1020am!:) WOOT!She is so beautiful.I sat with stephanei through her WHOLE Labor and Delivery:) It was truley such a memorable experience!I am so gratefull I was there.Lauren came with me,and truley LOVES Florida.She was nervous in the plane,bundles her head in my arm LOL till we started flying Up and away..LOL she stared out the window!!LOL
I am thinking often about moving to Florida.However,I am unsure how muh I'd like the state.I really want to go there...and visit or rent a place out for a few months.I am so sad that Avah is so far,and I'm missing so muh22

deck/yard.:)

 


I get SO much peace..just waking up getting my coffee and blackberry or book and just relaxing out side!! now the weeather is getting chilly,and the time is going by even faster.I am depesed off and on.I have severe pain,:( In my KNEE..its HUGE,and fill of fluid.Yesterday went to the hospitol for X rays for my knee and chest(fluid there too)!!
I also got blood work.I'mjust waiting on results,andim praying they figure out something.I do not know whats worse,getting an ITS ALL FINE diagnoses,which means they did NOT find out:( OR a diagnoses thats bad.I'll get through it,I'm getting throught the pain.!!!
Pain is my joints,My fingers,My muscles,My lower n middle back(middle back when I lay on stomach and lift my rear end) my knee is non stop.I toes,my feet,everything.
I am suffering:( Sooooo I THANK GOD for the beauty of the world he has blessed us ALL with.Just look at your surroundings,and be at one with nature..I love nature.

Blackberry w opera mini post!lol

Well I discovered the blackberry phone and that I'm totally hooked on this nifty item!!who wouldve dreamed 20 yrs ago that I would be playing,reading novels on ereader.com on a mobile phone?? I recall my first cell phone :) It was huge!! It was a gift for christmas from my mom and I was warned don't talk too much on it!! MY how things changed!!!!!
Anyways I downloaded opera mini and it is a little faster than blackberrys browser plus it has so many things which makes it so fun!! I am not on the laptop as much lately,but in all honesty the laptop rocks! LoL but I can do everything on this phone that I do on my laptop!!Except typing maniac (facebook games) I want games!!

All electronics aside...the real world now :(
My knee is sooo bad its like I got two golf balls full of fluid!! GOSH its soooo incredibly painfull!!!The whole body hurts and I also have fluid in the lung dr suspects!I personally wonder what the heck causes all of this!! I also( I know this on my own) have fluid on my lower bacKK what the heck??
OMY I can't write no more little lauren is banging!!!!!!ok she's in the room with me!!!Little Lauren is like a fireball bursting with tremendous force and you'll never know what your gonna get with her lol!!
Overall she's doing good!! She currently has all her toys out of under the stairs closet that brianna wants to put a bed in there cause of harry potter movie lol but its not happening:)its way too small to fit a bed dresser and table lol!!KIDS!!!
Today was school pictures for ashley!! She let's me know late last night that she has nothing to wear --!!!TEENS!!GIRLS!!Drive you nuts!!!
Stephanie is doing well,happy in florida with rob expecting her first baby!! Due in a month!!I have to save $$$$$$ to get out there!! $$$ is always an issue!! Blows my mind how people think we have a few hundred bucks to just spend!!If they only knew how behind we get on things!!!
We had a wedding this weekend and it was one of the most beautiful elegant weddings I've ever been to!!We all enjoyed ourselves and how I would love the food there right now this morning!!!!!l
OH OUR ANNIVERSARY IS HERE we are going to celebrate 14 years yes 14 years of marriage!!Babe....another 14? I love him tremendously!!We have our issues but I know he isn't no liar!!He is loyal which means loads to me!!!LOVE YOU!!!!One day you will read everything,who knows!....But if you do I want thank you for our babies,the work you did in our home,your patience to live in a home full of girls lol and for being my best,closest friend ever!!You don't judge me, You are loyal,the most loyal person I have known in my life!You also don't threaten that you'll never speak to me again lol xoxoxoxo_

BUSY BUSY BUSY is the NAME!

I'm off to the GAME!Ashleys that is.I've been SO busy that I dont' have time to write a proper update!Bottom line is I'm happy,kids are happy and I'm waiting for bill to finish mowing caues Ashleys game is starting in 10 mins!
Stephanie is doing great,pregnant and happy...just moved to a new house.We got granite in our kitchen and things are all coming along nicely.
I am goign to be taking Brianna out shopping for a mother daughter shopping day,she needs clothes more than the rest of them.Lauren needs a new pair of boots,that sums it up for her:)
We are excited for a wedding!Its my cousin Erica,I need a dress,and shoes but I'll get there.:)
Summer went by SOSOSO Swiftly,i'm shocked,however I am sitting comfy wearing shorts:)
I better run,before I never get out of the house lol..updates later!