I have to run to the dr's with Ashley at 2:30.I am SO sick,I got sick like within an HOUR.It hit like a total ton of bricks,so fast N I hate it.I do NOT get a break.Her party,as I just posted below,turned out the next day of me CLEANING again.I couldn't do much,I slept all stressed out.I have OCD I know it,and KNOWING everything was NOT the way I wanted it made me feel just 10000% worse.I wake up this morning,and Billy went on about NONSENSE i can't even remember.Just picking at me for something or not,instead of asking me kindly "HOW ARE YOU FEELING"??Its something I did wrong.
If he knew how much this is impacting me,i wonder how he'd feel.I honestly do not think he realizes how much damage he is doing to me,and our relationship with his virgo perfectionism.HE may very well be OCD,sooooooo have two ocd people in the house is just NOT good.NOT good at all.First of all,he can't change me.I am overwhelmed with work with the house/and kids and do everything to do it quickly to my satisfaction.I"M NOT satisfied with the kitchen,it soo needs to be redone.Walls,and hardware on the counters.I need new knobs.Heck buy CHEAPY ones,just buy them allready.PAINT allready?what is his problem?he has NO motivation to work in the house anymore.ITS GONE.His motivation for us is GONE.Maybe I'm just venting and everything is ok but its how I feel today anyways.I never wanted to post everything I felt here,but thats how I feel right now.
TO make it WORSE,he blames it on ME.Maybe he should go away,if I tell him to beat it,the kids would be upset.I dont' know what to do anymore.I just cannot be treated this way N just take it like a damn dog.Kids need to respect me more,but they treat me with respect which I am SO gratefull for but I want tv respect which IS NOT real life lol:)
I am depressed.That sums it up.I hate it,and I need to switch dr's and find a good dr/and a psych to help me figure out everything.I get heart palpatations,etc..and I'm sooo tired of living the same routine now for a while.I've been depressed for a while now.Shopping is not helping it anymore.It used to,but now it stopped.I am not bipolar,i'm simply depressed.:(
OH and Billy is NOT HAPPY that the COWBOYS lost to the GIANTS!:( UGH That SUXS!
At last,its NEWS YEARS!HAPPY 2008!I need to upload the pics I have in my camera..birthday and new years blah blah blah!=)
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