SAT MAY blabs

me and Ashley.:)
I love this pic of us>:)
She is such a cutie & a good girl.I am praying and hoping that she continues to be honest with me & feels comfy talking to me!
ANyways updates for me...WHILE lauren is at my arm again..hard to type LOL she is a pistol.I have a few minutes before we run to stephanie N shawns house(steph not my daughter,steph a friend) lol its her graduation party.I was not in the most festive mood,knowing we have a wake/funeral to attend this week.
This is our plan,so far,go to the wake and up north NJ on monday.
Yesterday lori came over,crying:( it was so sad..The loss of Danny is immense.I can't believe it and I just feel so awful for his wife.They've been together since she was THIRTEEN,and I KNOW that we're going to see people we haven't seen since wow,10 plus years.I grew up in Kearny and live in ocean county NJ..so its quite a move.I am gratefull to be gone from there,everybody (almost) lives at the bars and depressed I think:( HECK i get depressed and anxiety but now I'm worrying about other sorts of things.health,everything,this can happen to anybody at anytime.It hits me how Billy or the kids can be here one day and GONE the next.REALLY cherish our time together,I will not YELL,I will have more patience and enjoy doing everything that I DO for my girls.I miss my oldest and my mother.:( but I can't make their choices for them.They chose to do what they do.
I'm hurt by alot of their actions,not Stephanie but more so by my mothers.I love her,and dont' want to hurt her so I don't bother saying anything.Why bother?
I just know now what NOT to do..I know my brother is feeling the same hurts I am feelling.Its prett bummy.:(
At least he has my father.I'm going to see a psych,because I know that the root of it all is that my dad had lack of love for me...and I was a pampered lil girl,mostly by my grandmother:*) I misss her terribly.
I'm so behind in my mails!I have SO much to vent,I need a private diary LOL
well,billy is out biking with Brianna and than we're heading to see Stephanie & Shawn tha pick up Ashley from Lauras house(she is with Courtney).Are they best of friends again?LOL Its silly 12yr old stuff but wow some can be serious!I take all her problems serious.
Laterzzzzzzzzzz

**SOB**** TIME FLEW!LOOK at the ITTY BABY!

SHE was SO LITTLE and SO SO SWEEEEEEEEEET!
What happened??TIME FLEW!
LOOK below...LOL there is how she is now!SO BIG!
I am getting for her birthday some NICE BLING!Beautiful hoop earrings!:::on the hunt now;::
YES I am a shopaholic..i guess stimulus don't have to worry about me LMAO!
We want a tv though...AND a new fridge!
TIME TO SHOP!OOOOMPA!
Something to cheer me up,no more newborns for me:( I love babies..love love them so much!I love my kids!

LOOK SEE HOW BIG SHE IS NOW!

Here is miss Lauren:) Today I went a LIL TAD NUTTY AGAIN with gymbo for her and Brianna lol..I love it and its ALL hanging so nice and new in the closet!ALL ready for spring and summer!I hate dressing her nice in new clothes for the park or home,but I realize today,that I HAVE to start dressing her LOL or why did I BUY those things??ROFL!I may go back and pick out 2 more dresses for her.I love their dresses and right now their is a gymfriends code!I bought alot on ebay too,which I don't even know WHY.I bought stuff at target,I may have to return caues its TOO big lol (sleeves,its some spagetti strap adorable stuff that are like swing tops/but I think size smaller would fit better).She is a thin lil girl..:)
Brianna,I got her tons of Bermuda shorts that you can button up to normal shorts and matching tops.She also likes skorts..(ONLY when you dont need STockings LOL)!
I am now cloth diapering A LOT LOT more again now:) AND loving it...Our G diapers came and they are mostly for outtings since I do NOT have enough reliable go out for hours diapers LOL(Kidding)...but still need some more.:) My next buy will probably be some DryBees.I want to try it!SO bad,AND I am preferring aio's over Pockets all of a sudden.I'm tired of stuffing pockets!I love these THICK sherpa contoured diapers I have,and I put those inside a bummis cover..they work WONDERFUL!too bad I only have two LOL.
Patty Naps n Wraps,when I had Brianna back when...long ago!

Sad..somebody died...and weather is awful!

Our friend,well not really a "FRIEND" per se,but somebody we knew for years and years died yesterday late afternoon.its so sad,and I feel horrible for the wife and kids.She found him sleeping and put him in the tub,thinking he'll wake up there.(sigh) she must've been in denial or something:( When somebody dies,it just rips you up kwim.I am thinking of when we saw him this summer at a barbeque at my friend Lori's house.:( Lori is close to them.Anyways,we're debating on whether to go or not.
Tomorrow there is a lil get together for dh's friends wife.She graduated from college,and surely a celebration is in order!!I am like/what do we do/go to the funeral or go to the party.wat a tug of my heart that is!

Anyways,I also wanted to see my In laws.They aren't feeling good.I'm feeling sad caues bily mentioned going up to viisitbut I get tehe impession she just doesnt' like children around,i guess she is not feeling good!!
Right now I can't even type,cause Brianna is here yelling in my ear!She is not having a good day now!The morning started out wonderful...but ugh for now!I got lauren climbing over me,wanting to open a dang v tech laptop that she keeps closing....Brianna keeps tapping and complaining.I think she is having middle child syndrome!
Today was our mothers day tea party at school and I had a great time.I was all teared up...but right now..OYE why is Everybody crying and screaming over nothing!??
I'm leaving the pc LOL running to the parlor and staying there haha!
Its rediculouse,using the desktop in the play room.Brianna gets ticked off and Lauren screams within minutes.This is the night tonight..:X

Brianna N Ryan!

This is Brianna playing Golf with Ryan!Yesterday after the park!LOLOL...Brianna can play with both,boys AND girls!She is such a hoot!Ryan loves her too!They play so cute together..AND YES Ryan is Lauras son.OOPS I gotta go,OFF to drag Lauren with me to the counselors LOL..I hope she is in a good mood.She is wearing her cute purple "posies" gymbo one piece outfit LOL...its a tad big.LMAO..but so cute!
OFF to do her hair,and leave.I'll try to remember my digi!OUR GYMBO order came today,(more stuff) but GYMBFRIENDS is coming up.....and tomorrow Brianna has a new outfit to put on.I picked out stuff this time that she liked..thank heavens!LOL

My closest Female Friend in the world...

This is LAURA.:) She's been my friend wow..since we were in the 4th grade.:) MY ROCK,even though we go through our fizzles,we always come back strong.She is tough,yet has her momments.I love her dearly,our daughters are so close,( ashley N Courtney)..Omygosh I have so many memories and pictures!
OH and she's my lil buddy for the gym:) LOL THANKS LAURA for the guidance to go to OXYGEN!I just LOVE IT!
SPeaking of..I think i'll be calling her soon LOL!

I want a TATOO!

YEP,
I want a tattoo!WOW now at my age!YES I DO!I don't know exactly what,but I want it on the back of my neck.Maybe chinese writing that symbolizes the most important thing in the world to me.."MOTHER".
Whatcha thinK?

I also want,after I meet my goal at the gym..something in my lower back,but again,at TIS AGE??LOL now gravity will just take over,but there I would love some beautiful butterflies,meaning I came out from being a lil worm....and flew...that is when I accomplish certain goals....

than I want something sweet,in rememberance of my grandmother,a cherub,or something adorable,and i want something / a cross in rememberance of Christ.
I also want something to signify my love for Billy...
OK,my tattoos...I want ALL the above symbols..I need to look them up!HEHE!

lauren babbling groceries hah!

ANOTHER VIDEO!

OUR lil Lauren,END of MARCH

VIDEO below is in NOV LMAO

DANG she got SO big (lauren that is LOL)
I love the Internet,the way we can upload videos..WATCH OUT LOTS more coming!SUMMER is coming and I love love making videos AS MUCH as pictures:)
I am also burning them all to save...:)

lauren video..again HAH

we miss you "MA:*)

pIC OF aSHLEys pHoNE

LAst day of APRIL 07..yikes

Billy was showing me pics of ""ME"" lol from wayyyyy back in 1995...wow...is all I can say.I was SUPER skinny first off,which was so shocking..LOL.It was a big shake up,time flies soooo fast!
Anyways,Up to now,I'm thinking of Ashley with her new phone.We finally decided she could use a phone,she is 12 and when she is at the park or something,i want to get in touch with her sooo for 10$ more a month its so worth it.My mom paid for the phone,which was awesome.:) she got the LG SHINE which is a neat phone.Now we have texting,if you want to text me,email me:) LOL unlimited texting is FUN.I never realized it,something you can do when you're sitting forever at dr's office lol:) I write bill long letters now.Its something I enjoy doing,seems its a good way to get through to him ROFL.
I am debating,I guess I need to have a talk with billy and write it out.He has tons of copper to cash in,that will be enough to buy a mattress,or whatever.We also got our taxes(minus federal tax,which I am anxiously waiting for lol,I guess that takes the longest);).There are sooo many things I believe we could use,we 'need' and "wants"...I have to separate it all.At least there is NO rush.i think prices are going to HIKE up for the shopping for the stimulus checks,if they DO raise the prices its the worst thing IMO for the economy right now,cause people will NOT shop.Sad ain't it??I have a feeling its a way of paying back our debts to china and what not,for all the items we BUY from there.WHY can't our own country MAKE our owwn stuff??Are we THAT lazy or what??I'm so so sick of it.We wonder why there are no jobs..LOL how can there be???EVERYTHING is imported and everything is on cREDIT...HELLO.

ANOTHER frustration,yeah,I jump from place to place,is my steps.Lauren just loves to climb up them.Im so tired of worrying...I'm also not happy with the pond in the back of my yard.I want a BIG FENCE up.Since we have the white PVC fence,to put the whole area up would run into a LOT of money,unless we go with a regular type fencing.ANOTHER topic to dicuss with billy.

My mom went to spain last Friday,so did my grandather.He has a HUGE tumor in his lung,the hospitol wanted to remove it...lol yeah right,that would've killed him right there!He is 82 yrs old..so instead he took off to spain.I can't say I blame him,i would do the same.
I pray hard,for his salvation...AND billys again.He watches WAY too much U tube and thinks the world is going to end 2012..he really believes this mayan thing.I believe NOBODY knows when the end time is....and I DO believe that Jesus will return.Well,the mayans say that the 'GODS" are coming in 2012...who knows what they are talking about kwim.billy watches videos of UFO's and stff,which I believe there ARE ufo's around.Too many pics for us NOT to believe it.
Something irks me,(back to grandpa) he was getting some work done,and was on morphine and liquid valium.He seen rats coming out of the ceiling.How creepy is that??EEK.I'm not so in love with rats lol.

WELL..Off to do something.Tonight I am supposed to meet some local moms at a local bar,I am lookin foward to going.: Ashley is going to be in big trouble if she doesn't come home after school and takes the bus to Emilys house.she thinks she can just GO where she wants.umm NO.After school StrAIGht home,unless permission first.Instead she'll call or text about where she'll be,or ask in that form.Ummm SNEAKY MUCH???lol..not happening!

MISSING MOM..
MISSING STEPH
MISSING BILLY...COME BACK:(

Ashley growing up too fast...slow down baby girl...
Briana so talative and adventerous!
Lauren,such a lil daredevil lol and our lil PRINCESS:) Gosh I love having her home with us:) She is such a JOY!!
I'm back with cloth diapers with her,but put an order of g diapers.Two cases,a starter kit,and 2 more diapers(with the plastic liners etc).I am going to use them for outtings,and cloth for home.there will be NO need to buy Huggies or nothing.I'm sick of the thought of filling the landfills with those things:( It makes me sick.Global warming is seriously upsetting me.

YEP,My blogs,always consist of me jumping all over the place haha...but I get it out!!
OH the gym,I love it,and have been going faithfully:) Its awesome and the Les Mills classes(search that),they are awesome!!!
Laterz

LAURYN AGAIN!

My BIGGGGEST PRincess!

VIDEO of LAURYN PAIGE!

Mommy

Early Saturday Morning!

I wake up this morning,with NO internet connection!Very frustrating,the dang signal wasn't working(comcast).I go call and find out its not the bill,paid it,and it still won't work.NOW I log on via u tube,and whalla i get right on..just not through AOL.AOL is not working,not even aol.com!Strange!

Anyways,thats the least on my mind today:( I am so sad.I feel so many things at once,for one,My grandpa has a mass tumor in his lung:( It was said yesterday.He is 82 years old,so there will be NO removing his lung(which is one option,but he could die from that surgery IMO he WILL die from it..what a PAINFULL way to die imo):( with one lung,than the next lung will go cause he gets pnemonia often.I am SURELY NOT going to light a cigarette ever again.I am mad at myself,for allowing myself to light up when i get stressed etc.I believe its definately something I could get,(lung cancer) cause now i am witnessing it firsthand with my own grandpa and the way he is feeling is Not appealing:(.I feel SO sad for him...to be old makes me sad.I am trying to think chipper thoughts,he is going to SPAIN with my mom I believe very shortly.I hate when my mom leaves,but my grandfather wants to go sooo very badly.He believes he will heal there,I believe that may be possible.The air is healthier:( and more clear.We shall see how it goes:(.

I am looking at Lauren,Ashley dressed her (YIKES) and put on one of her new outfits for spring...UGHHH SO I have to change her soon.She looks SO cute,maybe i'll leave it,if its nice enough.Adorable,in a red skort,and tulip top...I'll put on her matching hair bows:) WHALLA!LOL.So silly really,but to be excited about something must be a good thing.

Billy,he has to get a grip on reality here.We need things finished,and he is always busy doing so many other things,that I am getting bewildered here.

OH Brianna got her 4th stripe in JIJITSU,the next is the YELLOW Belt:*) WAY TO GO!Not many lil girls her age have a yellow belt at her age lol (in jijitsu).I'm very proud of her.She sounds hoarse(voice) I hope she does NOT have asthma:( How horrible if she does:( She has a cute voice when its like that but its not her true voice.:(
Yesterday I took her shopping for new sneakers,went to feet first,she did not like the sneakers there.(TOO STIFF)...so we head on to payless and she fell in love with a pair of hannah montanna sneakers.This morning,with her voice she tells me "Thank you mommmy,for my sneakers,I love them so much,you know what to buy me all the time"....ahwww so so soooo sweet!
Now Ashley,since I am in HER laptop is anxious to get back,since i got online!SO this is adios!LoL!
I seem to have a relaxing weekend compared to the past two weekends that just past!
MONdAY Ashley gets her Braces!!
I got my hearing aid fixed(temporary) and am waiting on new aids!
I am hoping we can do something today,as a family,I do not want to sit around today.I am probably going to visit my mom or go do some shopping at target.:) I can't wait till gymboree starts collecting gymbucks.I wish they didn't stop the spring saile...I went back and whalla the sale was gone:(

OFF I GO!
:X