HOlidays were wonderful!

I loved everything,and spending time with our loved ones.I am ecstatic,i'm typing this 20 minutes to the 2008.Yep...i was at the party at my brothers,camehome to eat,May go back there but i'm exhausted lol.
The girls made out beautifully.Praise the Lord:) they are not lacking anything!!
Here are some pics.:) N i hope hey come out the way i want them to.Arrrr'



Here is Lauren at my SIL Joannes house:)She was stunned for christmas.Didn;t know what to make of it actualy.

Here is ME and Lauren:) MORE pics coming!I have to go HUNG out with dh,I got a big bottle of WINE:) WENT To ELIS(My brothers) and hung out.came home cause dh was here with a sleeping lauren.Plus Brianna threw pL9dd

US BOUT FAMILY ON cHRISTMAS

VIDEO OF SANTA by our HOUSE!

Baby L in swing

ashley as 3 yr old..with courtney

LAUREN:)

LAUREN:) IN STROLLER PIC

CHRISTMAS IS COMING !!

WE got SO much done allready!We did our santa clause pictures!We got our family portraits!Stephanie was not in it,but I tried calling her.everytime its pic time,she disappears,sooo I put it off.This time I just took the family and went.We had a blast!Billy was himself,which I love!We went to see Santa,had some FUN YUMMO MANGO ICE From Rita(misty).I find myself LOVING the WENDYS JALEPENO MELT BURGERS OMYGOSH SOOOOOOO GOOD!Anyways,I suppose I am hungry right now haha!Its early morning,::SIPPING COFFEE::just chilling out this saturday morning.The girls just woke up,and even though I got UP EARLY to have my "ME TIME",they woke up shortly afterwards like a set of firecrackers going off.Now Brianna & Billy are sleeping soundly by the christmas tree.:SOo sweet:: & Lauren just had breakfast and is running around with curls all over her sweet head.She had her bath last night,and pictures,so I put some mousse on her hair(SIGH) which only made it CURLIER LOL!She is a doll!The pictures came out "OK"..but i prefer picture people over pennys.WE got tons of pictures though,which is neat.A mixture of backgrounds,etc.Unfortunately I cannot pick them up till christmas eve!GRRR.
I am debating Christmas.I know christmas eve we'll be at my Sister in laws house (Joannes house this year).I wish we had it at our house one day,but I really want my kitchen and living room painted nicely.SOmething I've been wanting for a year now.I guess Billy is just not as excited about it as I am.(SIGH).I can only assume he is tired,from painting/and so much construction all the time,when he gets home he is DONE.He worked 3 long years in this house making it suitable for us.3 thousand square feet,and so much room for all of us.I love our home,and I just want to decorate now.Doesn't he get it LOL!
We have a week left till christmas,and I have YET SOOO much shopping to do.I do not like shopping on Saturdays though.YUCK.SO on Monday I am going by my little self shopping!Than Me and Billy will go together again!
OOPS tonight we're supposed to go to my aunt julies "DIVORCEE" dinner party!I dont know,I want to go,but the $$ for that we really have to be carefull with our savings,so it lasts till spring(right around the corner LOL).Time just flies!Billy tells me not to ever worry,so I try not to,but I have a tendancy of worrying!
OOH Speaking of $$ I got 2 coupons last night at the MALL for gymboree!!After the girls getting the pics with Santa!I wanted MORE LOL it was 1 coupon per photo,but I asked for an extra one LOL.I was so tempted to just grab 3 or 4 more HAHA~
I THINK,IT MUST be that they are opening a gymboree in our mall right??WHY the coupons then???OUR MALL is the ONE that does NOT have gymboree!=( I hate it.I always have to shop online,unless I drive all the way to freehold mall which is a good 35 min ride.Sometimes its worth it though.:) I will do it for spring/and summer clothes though.

PICTURes and EXciTeD!

Today we're supposed to run to aunt michelles house(SIL) lol to pick up our couch set for the family room:) I love it,now we can REALLY have a FAMILY ROOM!Billy better not delay cause its supposed to snow soon!ugh!It shouldn't take us too long to get it done!
Ugh he just comes in,and tells me he has to EMPTY the truck...yaps about gas.He has no clue how much I want that set:( I hope and I'll update and see if we get it or not.
Its awesome,to finally put NICE furniture in this room,which now consists of a desk,a tv and TOYS.I want the toys OUT,and furniture IN.we have another room thats a TOY room for TOYS.Plus Stephs room that she never uses.I plan on just putting the futon and tv.Nothing else,the dresser back in that mini room eventually will be gone.
Our bedrooms are upstairs,its like 3 bedrooms downstairs,and 3 upstairs,and the downstairs ones I want to make USE of them rather than TOY ROOMS.i totally do not like toys:(
PRAYING for FURNITURE..today.I know its going to snow later.I bet he is just BLOWING time,wasting time and I know he is going to let me down.I'm waiting and going to see.
I'll make him buy a NEW set then if thats all a big issue to him.Ugh
Pics of LiL Lauren below:) such a sweeeeeeeeeety she is.She has a little cold right now/stuffy nose etc.:(
Ashley has problems with her pallette expander,and I have to get her back to the dentist.
Brianna is a joy,but such a JOB to get dressed in the morning.I love dressign her UP and she loves to dress DOWN.LOL jeans and tops/sweatshirts is her thing @@ UGh oh why why why!?!

Pictures NOT coming out the way they're supposed to!

I am making them small,but they come up SOOO dang big??why??I don't have the slightest clue!
I am going nuts!lol..I see blogs with big beautiful pictures and everything shows,but this blog (MINE of course) does Not work that way ugh how frustrating!:)

((trying again))Lauren at aunt karens:)

THANKSGIVING CHILLIN"

Thanksgiving,was lovely...Now ready for christmas.

Thanksgiving was wonderful.We got up,dressed up and ran to aunt karens house way up north nj from us.The food was delicious as always and the kids had a blast hanging out and being with their cousins.
I spent the next day shopping,got 2 kodaks digi cams,the 10x zoom one(zd10?) something like that.SO far I'm loving it.Not sure what to do with the 2nd one.But dh said he wants one for his truck,so maybe it'll go for him.I know Ashley is getting a laptop,so is Stephanie,from my mom(dell) and PINK lol.How cute,big gift but I am happy about it.Billy said maybe Santa will get me a laptop(i have one,but he wants his/hers).Anyways,we'll see no need no rush.I want the girls to get the items I am hoping for them.Christmas should not be just about presents,and I love christmas.Its the birth of our savior..and I love that celebration aspect of it.I plan on ripping Cd's and getting ready for an Ipod we will eventually get.OR a big mp3 player,but the ipod seems more user friendly based on what i've been reading.Ashley has the mp3 player from last yr,SOMEWHERE in this house.One big thing on her list is a COAT.She needs one so bad.I did some gymboree shopping,and i'm waiting on Laurens coat.I should run out and get an xtra one cause its getting really chilly out.the parka type jacket I dont think will cinch it.
Back to Thanksgiving,we also celebrated Aunt Karens 50th birthday:) N I love Billys family.They are just so sweet,and we'll be seeing them for christmas soon enough:) yay!Not sure how we're going to do presents etc.
Just playing it by ear.:)
Here are my pics,from thankgiving.Ashley LOST OVER HALF my pictures:( i am so mad about that.Ugh

I have SO MUCH to be thankfull for..my family,friends,health,home,My savior,everything.This was a thanksgiving as well,that I am very gratefull for.The food,again was out of this world:*) I loved it!I missed my mom and stuff,but overall we had a great day!

UMM favortism?I hate it..still...

I love my mom.Yes,I really do.Today she calls,crying and crying,god knows why.I'll tell y ou why,cause stephanie threw the remote control at her,so disrespectfully cause she treats my mom like shit.I tell mom for the hundreth time,"you are spoiling her,you let her treat you like that,even if its wrong,You CONDONE IT"..FOR YEARS when stephanie pouts MA runs.I'm so so so sick of it.ITs like hands tied type shit.I can seeee right through this child of mine,and I love her,but when I see the user in her with my mom,even though she'll declare she LOVES my mother,she is using and abusing her.BOTTOM LINE.You treat somebody like shit,hit them,throw shit,than demand monetary items.Thats what I call it.

Now my dilema.My other girls LOVE "MA"...and at the flip side they are gettting HURT by all of this.They are witnessing this crap.I do not want this no more.My mom as much as I love her,I Do not want to cut her out of my life.However,she is cutting US out,cause everything is more important.We're at the end of her list.
I had to console Ashley.This is how i feel..Ashley is NOTHING,even though I know she loves Ashley,but shit,compared to Stephanie,I am shit.I'm only called when stuff is NEEDED for Stephanie.I have sick Brianna here,NOTHING is asked about her.NOTHING is asked how we are...how I am...in a serious manner.My dad is ALL for my brother.My mom is ALL for Stephanie.
I'm out.
I dont' care any f'ing more.I'm tired of the lies.Ileanna lies,My brother I love him,condones all the lines,cause he is just in his world.I gotta realize he is younger,so I give him some slack.Ileanna i think was abused,or something,cause she tries very hard to be loved.I love her/but on the flip side,she has to stop lying cause I see it every time she does it,and out of respect I Do not say shitola.I love my nephew,and he I worry about as well,as my own children.
I want to move.I think moving is the answer to all of this.My mom could care less if i'm here or not.Just this morning she states,"I"M goign back to spain" blah blah blah alll cause of stephanie.What about the rest of the grandkids.
I'll tell myself what,I will NOT NOT NOT allow Ashley to suffer,and witness somebody being ADORED AND PUT on the freaking MANTLE like they are GODESSS no matter HOW much I love her,and have HER(SHE REALIZES NOW,she is 11,and crying??) That is so wrong and LOW.I cannot believe my OWN FAMILY would be SO FREAKING LOW???Omg.:(
My mom can manipulate her own excuses.Poor steph has no father.bullshit.She is spoiled and ma can't say no.
I see right through steph.
SHe says she is gettign a job,salary is 1400 a week,(UMM GULP,I find it hard to believe,i hope its true cause she could USE It big time,and I'd be proud of her but I dont' see her lasting long at ALL,the drive is enough to burn her out)
SO She is saying (GOTCHA) she needs a NEW car for this job..(am i the only one who sees this shit or what?)HAHA...I am so done with the lies.
I'm going OUT of LIE LIE Land..get it..lala lielie...OFF to lala land.I'm gone.As soon as we could,I'm putting the house BACK on the market and LEAVING.
It hurts here.
I am on anxiety meds.I should be on depression meds.I have issues with self esteem my WHOLE F'ing life..etc..list is endless and NOBODY has a CLUE who I AM LOL..Imagine THAT!I just yes yes yes,and little by little the light inside me is fading.That light will blow out real son.I just know it.:(

Christmas,I am thinking of not exposing my girls to NONE of their shit.DONE.

SATURDAY,RAINY AND CRAPPY OUT

((I cannot believe how fast time flew,Miss Lauren when she was just an itty bitty newborn)) fyi,we're geting lauren and Brianna the itty bitty baby twins:) for christmas.Brianna the boy,and Lauren the girl haha how cute is that!



Its a rainy early saturday morning.Billy has to pick up my nephew to take him to the baseball game:) which is pretty neato.Right now everybody is up,minus Daddy who is upstairs still asleep.(can't blame the man lol).Ashley had her friend Destiny sleep over,what a sweet girl she is:) and Lauren is right now hanging with them in the parlor.!!
OH some exciting news!My brother is house shopping=) I am so excited for him,and THEY ARE HOPING to buy this house which is literally around 3-5 blocks away,I am SO PSYCHED.Than when that happens,my mom will sell her house,and buy a home in a retirement community(much cheaper)beautiful homes and over 1/2 the price cheaper with buying and taxes.One good thing about NJ is you CAN retire here:) WITH Those homes,and what they have to offer.Praise God for that!I can sell my house,IF we stay here till we retire,kids don't wanna leave,and I love our home.WE can just finish decorating,and its forever needing to do this and that,but I KNOW Once I do everything I envisioned,it is the home I dreamed of my chldrne growing up in:)
here is a list,which I should show Billy haha,what I really want done.
1.Paint te kitchen,the color I allready bought,like a medium beiege color,its very pretty,not dull:)
2.Living room beige and Burgandy,make the fireplace wall the big burgandy wall.
3.Take down ALL photos,and put them ALL going up the steps,which will be I think beige/or the color we allready have which is the color of our 2nd floor walls.We allready knew we had to paint within the next 2-3 yrs after construction.I'm still amazed how we added on double PLUS what we had initially:) a 3,000 sq foothome has a lot of appeal of what we can do to it.:)
4.Decorate our Bathroom,Old Bathroom,Make it totally different.WE messed up with the tile,and we have to repaint it.
5.Hire sombody to do our driveway.I want the stamped concrete driveway:) WILL look SO cool:)
6.landscape our yard,FINALLY,this is spring/summer time;)

Thats about it!OUR and our kitchen,eventually I know we'll need a new fridge,and I want a back splash on the counter walls.We also need hardare(the knobs) for the oak cabinets.I love the cabinets,so I'm leaving them be.They'll look great in anything we put in there,Oak rocks Imo:)
Granite counter is my first choice,but we may have to use something else.I don't want tile though.

WELL..Next thing on my mind is my mom.I am seriously worried about her health.Her shoulder hurts.Miss Brianna,the Bear (haha) is over there,she slept with her grandma "MA" and "PAPI" (grandpa):) She loves to spend time with them,they love her dearly and I miss her this early morning;) we'll be picking her up when we get Cito for his game.:)

MY GOALS:)
CHURCH every week.
Get my BACK fixed
SEE the ob/gyn ASAP
GET off Xanax permanently,never take it again.

I'd be much happier then:)
I'm sure they'll put me on something else,but still,its better than the stupid Xanax I'm on.I hate it.I hate my pain.My back is the worst right now,my cortisone shot on my knee is getting to wear off.MY lawyer is not doing much to help...and My insurance companies are both tossing my case to each other.
I THINK my back is from the birth of Lauren..the dang SPINAL and everything!BUT I DID injure it on the accident so who the heck knows,but how the heck do I get treatment???
I wish somebody would answer me here on Lala Land web world LoL:)
MY blurb blab for the morning;)
GoD BLES US ALL..may the SUPERBUG stay away and may the people in California stay safe:*(

PICTURES AND LOVE MY HUSBAND:)

HE is HOME:) He watched lauren ALL morning while I ran around all over the place(of course,it was raining anyways,which kept him home lol).He Treats me wonderful,pays the bills,provides for us,Loves our children with his whole heart,loves me with his whole heart,respects me,stays faithfull which in todays day and age,infedility is just a blink of an eye for so many people:( He disciplines our children in a way we both can work together.I love his voice,its the sexiest voice in the world:) I LOVE his hair,sexiest,totally wanna grab it and play with his hair,love his eyes,just one look at me with the love in it,I always run and hug him...ADORE his hugs,I think lifetime is not enough to get his hugs.Well I can write for eternity how much I love my husband,we've been married for 12 years,a BLINK,of time for us,I am in shock how FAST and FURIOUS our love and life just flew by.We had 3 beautiful,stunniing lil girls together.He adores my Oldest daughter from my previous marriage..I witnessed him do,and tolerate SO much drama from my family,I not only wanted to save Stephanie,I also wanted to Save Billy because it was quite traumatic to go through the bulshit we had to go through.I will not bring ugly into this post,only beauty and positivity.He is my ROCK,MY LOVE,MY HEART,MY SOULMATE,and I totally understand what the bible means by two become ONE,ONE flesh,ONE heart,Thats what we are.
We are FAMILY,OUr children came from OUR ADORATION,OUR LOVE for each other.
Billy,if you EVER read this,i love you with my whole heart forever and eternity.Again,one lifetime with you is not enough,which breaks my heart in a zillion pieces.Thank you so much for being YOU.I have beautiful,precious,LOVING memories of us together.There is not just ONE song that can satisfy what we have,we are definately LUCKY with our love for each other.I believe its a SPECIAL unique love,that not so many people in this world are able to grab it.I would be a lost lost puppy without you(him).
WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL Here are some more pictures,days of our lives,with our children.We took Brianna N Lauren fishing,and they just LOVED it,and we had so much fun just playing with them.Dang,sometimes the funnest things we do,are the things that cost NOTHING...just the SMALL stuff.The little hug here,the sunrise together there,etc.
THANK YOU HEAVENLY FATHER FOR EVERYTHING,Thank you for LOVE.


WELL..BELOW IS WHEN MISS BEAUTIFUL BEAR BRIANNA got her 2nd YELLOW STRIPE in her JIJITSU!She ROCKS in JIJITSU!I will video tape her sparring with a lil boy.:) LOL she made 2 boys cry,which literally LOL's me.I know,its really not funny but I couldn't help it:X




My HUSBAND:) Yep..loving what he loves to do..umm FISHING haha!
WELL GOD BLESS AMERICA today,PRAYERS for those who are in California,May the fires stop spreading=( I know of a few people who are out there,and i'm feeling so so sad for them.I hope none lose all their belongings;( that is just awful.
WHY do these things happen??:(

THURSDAY.PSYCH done/and rains galore

I wake up feeling exhausted today(what else is new) MISS LAUREN oye wakes up at approx 4am and stays up.She loves to use my head as a diving board to the rug..which not only hurts me,makes me cringe cause I'm SLEEPING and SUPER TIRED,it scares the living daylights out of me.My bed is SUPER high,and she has no fear at all.Yep,she fell of the bed before,and she knows how to climb DOWN from the bed using the safety of the blankets(SIGH).So there went MY sleep last night.I woke up and I had to get out the door.Signed miss Stephanie up again for psychiatry/counseling,you name it.Her friend sadly is in the hospitol with a coma,her age,her whoel life ahead of her.WHY?cause she decided to take tons of KLONOPINS(if you look it up,its a long acting benzo).WHY do these kids do that???It really puzzles me,and makes me very very sad.I will pray,and just try not to think about it too much ecause i'm honestly scared about bringing the kids up in todays world.The television alone is just nothing but turning kids into MUSH,and TV watching is just not done here as much as it used to be!Praise The Lord.I am so gratefull for that.We let them watch NICK at Night,or DvD's I bought.I love the old time shows,like the Brady Bunch,Little House on the Prarie,Leave it to Beaver,etc,those are the shows I want my girls to watch.Today I don't even enjoy the damn cartoons they have for our children(a majority of them,some i admit are cute).

Now the holidays are looming ahead.This year its not financial issues that bother me,unlike LAST year.This year its the dang LEAD and the toys from China.I'm officially(as well as my husband) boycotting chinese toys,clothes etc.how dare they try to poisen us,and if we go shop from them some more,damn we look dumb.I don't care if it costs 100$ more to buy things,I will buy from anywhere else.I can't promise myself I'll stick to JUST the USA made,cause thats literally hard as heck to do...and I can't give up my lil gymboree lol(not made in china though..whew).I have a magazine...Lillys Kids.I'm sure there is a website,www.lillyskids.com,their toys are just TOOO cute and I am going to pick up items there for Brianna AND LAUREN!OYE I am so so so excited for miss Laurens christmas.Its her SECOND one,but to me this is really her FIRST one,due that she'll really enjoy it:) she'll be aware of her surroundings:)
WELL here are my pics,I love love snapping pics of my kids.GOSH i love them!I love Billy too,he and I get into it,but our love has proven to prevail everything that so far came our way.We've been through everything bad,and of course good:) He still to this day,melts me just by looking at me a certain way.I LOVE the beginning but after 16 years together,and still having our passion.I say we're soul mates,and made for each other 10000%.I am SO SO glad I got divorced,cause I KNOW NOW/and when I FELL in love lol what true love,and falling in love WAS AFTER I got married (SIGH),sadly I married the WRONG PERSON the first time.Thankfully Life is good,and allows room for mistakes,and a new chapter.:)WE have LOTS of dreams still,which I will write about as i go along.

SAD,friend with Oral Cancer

I am so devastated.My daugher Ashleys friends mother Dawn,who I am friends/more aquantances with has oral cancer.She is somebody who walks by,smiles,and always giggles.She is such a bright person,and a wonderful mother.I am praying hard for a recovery.
I heard this news yesterday and I cannot get it out of my head.she is in the hospitol in NYC and will be there for 2 mos.I am sad for the kids.I know Elana,her daughter so well,and I know she is going to be crushed.I seen her at competition(ashleys competition,same team),she looked SOOOOOOOOOO Forlorn.Totally broke my heart!
I cannot imagine.Life is so short.We never ever know what will happen,when it will happen.
Love each other,each day of our lives.Its just too damn short.
I realize I spend SO MUCH TIME thinking of things that hurt me.I have to stop and will stop.People who want to hurt me,or don't care for me,SO BE IT.I will just let it go..its not MY fault.its THEIR fault.(I'm speaking of family).Friends,I love friends cause they are just wonderful:)

WELL yesterday was just another busy day.Jijitsu with Brianna and Than Cheerleading with Ashley.
Lauren has a stuffy nose.
I'm worried about Briannas foot.I have to call the dr and get her foot looked at.She is walking pigeoned toed again.(SIGH) no clue why!
I hope she is ok:(
Well.my lil blurb of the day.

sisters!

MY GIRLS LOVE LOVE EACH OTHER!!

LAUREN IS IN NEW CARSEAT!

YEP MOMMY Switched me around!LOL well the car seat,I'm still rear facing,and will remain so for a while :)
Well I say she is toooo small to be foward facing,yes she is 1 yr and OVER 20lbs,but that is the BEGINNING of the froward facing,so she's definately safer rear facing.To each its own:) She seems very comfy to me,ESP in the picture:) she loves the coziness of it.
I have another one,but she cannot see her sisters as well,this one is IT:) I love it 000xs more.gets dirty,i can buy another cover!HAH!
AWWW OUR SLEEPING BEAUTY in her crib.I want to make her a LADYBUG..this blanket works perfectly!LOL
r

wow..she has grown

LOOK at the picture of her on the top of the page:*) and look at her recently!WOW she has grown SOOO freaking much!WHERE THE HECK does the time go?HECK she is talking,not clearly lol but I know what she is saing which is surreal lol!

Here she is ALL DRESSED so PURTY!:) Gymbo Barnyard cuties outfit,with a cute red korker bow(not 100% sure onthe line lol) but surely looks like it to me ROFL.:) again...gymbofriends:)

Here is my LiL Bear,whom I have to get ready for jijitsu in like a few minutes LOLOL well its at 4:30.I need Ashley home so she can come with us cause right afterwards she has cheerpractcice.
FYI I"M FURIOUS MYSPACE IS GONE LOST AND HIJACKED!:*(((((

thurs,Pics,busy day and TGIF~!

Here are my two angels!Ashley & Lauren,LOL they are so much alike,in so many ways except their hair ROFL!I see Lauren talking early just like Ashley did.Brianna was late talker and now a leftie and totally "Brianna!Steph was a fast walker,I recall her b day her running around haha!Time flies with the lil ones!Well today is jijitsu,and I'm just NOT feeling good to go and GET GET GET.Tonight is cheerleading practice cause Ashley made it to the next round,if they win,they hit Florida!(no i doubt they'll win down there lol).

OMYGOSH TONS oF GYMBO Camae yesterday,I was in CHRISTMAS land LOL my mom could NOT believe the price I paid for THAT MANY CLOTHES!GO ME GO ME!Girls are going to be looking Smashing!:) I love being able to do that for them!
Here is something different,I just got from gymbofriends.com!I love that site too lol


**GROWN WITH LOVE** LINE!I still have Briannas stuff LOL UP in the ATTIC but I always liked that line,not LOVED IT,but liked it!




the PRICE was RIGHT SO I Grabbed it right on up!

I also got this...*got matching items home* Ha!I love when I get my ISO'S:)
This is called Imaginary friends,(for family and friends who don't know what gymboree is lol).I just love their stuff!HOWEVER I love other stuff,lol,like Ralph Lauren,Nautica,etc nike,etc.!:)

Saturday,the fall is arriving,or has it allready?

Its saturday noon,to be exact!I have Lauren in my lap,and Ashley next to me asking for her Hollister jeans,that she got not too long ago.I believe she has 2 pairs of this type jeans.For some reason they are her favorite,Hollister,and of course Abercrombie.Is it across the nation,or just here on the east coast?LOL whatever happened to limited too?I hated that store,well I'm relieved thats in the past cause honestly,its MORE money than hollister!
We were supposed to attend my nephews game,but we woke up to a COLDDDDDDDD house and just did not want to stop cuddling like a warm family in front of the big tv!I love mornings like this...daddy is home,and the kids are all together(minus big sis steph)...
Speaking of Stephanie,she is ok.She fluctuates wherever she feels.I guess now that she is the big 18,she figures she can do whatever she wants.I hope she gets a reality check and soon.She is a beautiful girl,and truley has changed for the better.The teen years with her was not not not easy.I do not think I am alone in this.I know there are TONS of mamas all over the country/if not world,but i feel this country is just getting a lil out of control with our children.Our children,tend to stray towards areas we do not want them to venture ever.I learned from Stephanie,and applying tough love to Ashley when she deserves it and than some.I am stunned as a mother when I see kids her age,out as I see them,and the sleepovers,and they just hang out ALL day after the sleepover.It baffles me,and I seroiusly wonder if A)the parents are NUTS or B) Parents dont' care or C)I'm just overreacting.I doubt i'm overreacting.I want to know where Ashley is at all times,i actually go peeking around in the park when she goes to see whats going on.That said,when she is ALLOWED to go.Sleepovers..EEK,she does NOT sleep out.When she does,its far and few.I know she is not happy with the arrangement,but than again,she can grumble and mumble,its the way it is:)
TOMORROW Ashley has CHEERLEADING COMPETITION:) we go to Trenton NJ once more.My other blog had pics of it last year,and I cannot get into it.:( Ever since I Upgraded,that was the end of my older blog unless I used flickr pics to take pics so it would post,and now that stopped as well.

As far as celebs,Im just stunned at how much attention the media puts on them.Especially somebody like brintey spears.With everything going on,all over the world,who the heck cares about Britney????I don't particularly dislike her,i actually DO like her,I feel she is a product of society,and as lucky she is with her $$,she is feeling empty inside.Can't let nobody in,cause of the $$ issues..its just a total royal mess.She should've stayed hangingout with paris..IMO.
WELL,God Bless The Girls tomorrow in CHEER and may Billy be OK with the girls as well!
OOOPS Laura,I bet she is not happy but i'm not happy of being a mule,a donkey for her.She wanted me to drive courtney HOME,and Umm NO i said.Put my foot down.I cant do tis over and over again.We're going tomorrow together...so I guess we'll have lots to talk about!
PRAISE THE LORD!I AM SO GLAD FOR THIS DAY,& EVERYTHING HE"S GIVEN ME AND OUR CHILDREN!

BACk,LIfe,Christmas...KIDS

My lower back hurts,Its something thats just not going away.Anybody have a clue what it could be?Do you think it could be from the dang spinal from the C sec?

Anyways,we're not far from christmas,and thats frustrating too!I'm in Ashleys computer and ALL i get is Brianna grabbing my face,(yes whilei'm in pain) to show me the tv and yell in my almost deaf poor ear,"I WANT THAT"...eek...please please go away tv,toys and christmas for what its NOT meant to be.Its meant to be the birth of christ,and its gotten way out of control.

Now I dont' want to be a scrooge,like my husband is(he ALMOST is lol) but he DOES have his points.I did enjoy the magic of christmas and enjoyed the make believe world my parents gave me.Its a gift,I remember once thinking they "LIED" to me,but yanno what,I got over that.I still can remember the looks on their faces watching me open my presents.I still remember my favorite christmas ever as a kid.We were at my abuelitas (grams in spanish) and I got a baby alive dolly:) I still remembered the smell(whenI smell dolls today It brings me back to when i was little).I kept asking papi(My dad) if he seen Santa,and he said "Yes,I think so"..LOL I remember the ride in the car,as a cute cute little girl(yep I was cute lol),and going up the stairs as FAST as I can,and there was a box.In the box was a Puppy.I do not recall ANY OTHER TOY,just the Puppy.SO its strange,all those toys I DID get,the puppy is one that stuck out and the snow falling on the ride home,and playing with my cousin dana in this "storage spot" with our dolls.It was our little "house".I miss those days.I cannot get over how fast life flew by.I want to give OUR children some magic..something to remember very well.Toys,yea,there will be some of those.I do not want to go overboard,yet,I do want to on the same flip side.Does this make sense.What I REALLy want more than anything,is to have my home exactly as the dream we've envisioned it.ME and Billy.My kitchen painted the color I picked,the Living room Painted Burgandy,and remove the pictures and redo it.I want a banister,and the steps completely stained(oak steps).I want everything exactly as it belongs and clean.I hate cleaning and I would be ecstatic if everybody pitched in more.My back hurting is making things just a real pita.

I do not know why some days I am so unhappy.I have everything to be happy about.I get depressed when Billy is home.He is depressed,so it passes on to me.I love him dearly,however when he is home,its like OK,NO MONEY that means NOTHING will happen or somethinglike that.I know we get by so I should be happy.I am addicted to shopping,Online mostly,Gymboree etc.I have to stop,and promised to stop.I also love buying cloth dipes....but right now I just need a few nice things I know will keep me totally off sposies completely.I would also like a nice pair of longies.SEE WHAT I MEAN lol my shopping,I could go ona nd on.I also LOVE hair bows!I should snap a pic of all the hair bows I have,and NO i did not get a discount or nothing!I paid hard earned money for those things!LOL nuts huh!Whatever for I do not know.They are cute,but WORD..at walmart they DO have bows with alligator clips LOL.Korkers no..but Bows..Yet.So does Gymboree:) so I'm going to stick with stuff I cannot buy;)

RIght now...Lauren and Brianna are playing with the leapster table,and watching THE PENGUINS movie!They are so cute together,playing so nice together.

I have to order online stuff that goes with my new sony cell phone.Yep I got it...but it does NOT come with the memory card.Its a walkman phone so DUR you need a memory card.It also does NOT come with the usd (SP) connector to upload music to the phone ughhhhh so at least thats cheap ON EBAY..THAKNGOD FOR EBAY HAHA!

WELL allas,my update!My poor back,my kids driving me nuts..and I'm just running all over.Here is brianna wanting a shoe tied....TTYL

HEARTBREAKS

I'm sitting here,Today is Stephanies 18th Birthday.Its almost 4pm and I have NOT heard from her yet.To top it off,I'm also hurt by yesterday which I'm soooo getting over it @@...sounds childish but if it hurt my feelings it must be somewhat legit cause i'm entitled to my feelings right??Hmmmm Anyways,my parents came back yesterday and it was nice to see them,I think of how when it was JUST us.My mom NEVER cared for me he way she does my own daughter.I feel its like,I'm hard of hearing so I wasn't the PERFECT daughter she wanted so whalla stephanie was born and she got the perfect little girl.I wonder about that now,Hmm a passing though.My dad,he however breaks my heart little by little day by day.More so than anybody in the world.I was always wanting to be daddies little girl.I see my husband with my daughters,and think WOW is that how "DADDIES" are.My faher is pai,and looks ahead stern and mad smetimes...Oh well!Life is what it IS.Cannot change people..I have to accept i am loved by those who DO love me,and NOT by those who don't love me.I have a feeling I'm expected to be this perfect person and my faults,human faults are rejected with a passion.It hurts when I see my dad and brother SOOOO close,and my brother i adore with all my heart,I do not place an IOTA of blame on him.YET I SEE them talking and being friends,and my heart strings are just flying around empty and ignored.
My MOM,lives 80% for steph,and the rest is us,a lil doggie bone LOL but i DO feel my mom loves me.Thankgod,I am so gratefull for Bily.I just wish he wouldn't be such a grump at times,:( and be more into going out with us..I feel lost.
WELL .my blurb...yes My daughter is EIGHTEEN TOdAY!
Oh my gosh.:X TODAY we're heading over my moms for cake!:)

MY SOUL MATE FOREVER N EVER N EVER

lauren and her godfather:)

RANDOM PIXS!

a href="http://www.putfile.com/pic.php?img=6634041">

13544343 balloons!

I love balloons lol so do the girls!QUICK UPDATE~
1)Ashley loves school is doing great:) YAY ashley!!

2)Brianna is in kindergarten,and has been exceeding PAST my expecations!YAY Brianna!

C)Stephanie is back home,we've had some scuffs on the road but we talked,and we'll do out patient therapy.She I believe is BP and that can be helped.Sheis mad cause her car is taking forever to fix!

4)LAUREN is a LIL LOVE!!Walking and talking & keeps on going!

BLURB

wow my itty cd bootie!Today was one of the days that we had no sposies;) we did very well;) I DID however pick up cause rite aid has buy one get one free so for 8$ i got TWO big boxes of diapers!JUMBO:) but honestly,they are for bed.I find them convinient as well for when we go out,but i hate the thought of trees and all the other stuff.Ugh
I've been thinking bout christmas shopping:) I have tons of gymboree coming.today Laurens teachers pet doggie dress came(SO SO CUTE),she also got scottie doggie pants and sweater,that we wore to go to the game but there was NO game to be found UGH.
I am so so tired not knowing where the games are at.!It makes me look horrible and I realized when i was there,I was not alone!WOW I seen 3 other mamas!LOL oh well,its over with!We went to burlington coat factory and I got Brianna the CUTEST boots:) I just love them:) Billy bought me clothes and I am taking them back,and buying a bed in a bag either for ME or one of the kids.Maybe a new crib set for Lauren,she is 1....than again I should wait till she is in her OWN bed and get her a bed for her tot bed:)OMG I'm stunned how quickly it went by:( I'm sad by it too.
I have my stephanie back home..again.I hope it lasts.its always ..umm for how long?ugh
We got up SUPER early thinking miss Ashley will get braces,like they said,but i seriously think the dentist likes ot keep billing the insurance companie and keep peple leading on.Heck we should've just paid for it,nah,i'm glad its being paid for:)
THANKGOD!Its not the end ofthe world but life would've been MUCh harder,600$ down and 175 a month.At least its a relief off our shoulders!
Grrr I have to fix AShleys pc..PROBlEMS allready!

Bragging:) brianna got yellow stripe!

I am very proud of Brianna:) She got her first stripe in JIJITSU!She looked SO happy:)
She is very proud of herself lately!Every early morning she comes to me or billy and tries to wake us way too early LOL before she is even due to get dressed for school.She is also getting her bath after cheerleading practice.Today was jijitsu and cheerleading:) Talk about feeling swamped with things to do.Stephanie came earlier today and there was some drama about her "CAR" ugh but overall it straightened itself out.She needs a respsect class,its very hurtfull and angers me,yet I know she is a lil girl I was not given the opportunity to raise,and she suffers the result.HOWEVER she knows the rules,the difference between right n wrong.Some people,like my mom,make excuses why she does the things she does.i have no idea!
SO UPDATES ARE
ONE yellow stripe for Brianna!YAY Brianna!
Ashley is doing awesome in cheer!
I'm off to bed:X LOL ..Miss Lauren is such a joy.lol:) I LOVE how she claps her hands at "YAY" and when everybody claps lol
I have to put another video.I'll do that tomorrow!Its so late,and tomorrow is another "DAY" Ugh!
GOD BLESS

PIC/videos

a cute video of Miss Brianna in her first day of school:) the other pics are in ashleys pc,and I am on my laptop,and didn't upload here yet.:)



Miss Ashley in PEP RALLY video:) LOL its so cute!I am going to myspace and upload both of them.:)



of course...miss Lauren with the rubby duckies LOL!She is too funny!I say YAY and she CLAPS CLAPS CLAPS!So adorable!

First day of School..wow

Today was back to school over here in Our township.I woke up early,by Miss Bri Bri (Brianna) who was undoubtly superdupersapooper excited!I loved waking to her beautiful blue eyes and her way of calling my name.She has such a unique cutest way of saying "MOMMY"..ahhh.Well She had me UP,we go downstairs,and got ready!Poor Ashley was not feeling the best.She has a sinus infection and horrible headaches.IF the headaches do not fade/get better(which they have but now the back of her neck hurts poor thing),she will go for a cat scan.I think she did have a sinus infection because the abx worked real quick:)
I got both girls OUT to the bus on time:) Ashley me and Brianna took with my van cause time was running short(she has to be on earlier).Afterwards,we went and got Billy N Lauren and walked Brianna to her bus.I think this will be a daily activity,at least till it gets real cold:) lol than it will be just me unless Billy is at work:)
I left,feeling slightly numb.Not crying like the past,but like somethings been ripped off me.That kind of feeling.Brianna,with her energy,it seemed like WOW,what do I do now" sorta feeling.However,it was shortlived haha,cause within a few hours by 11:30am my princess Was BACk(WELL my Cricky Bear as I call her lol) but she is my princess too:) I love her dearly:)
My day was darkened slightly by my oldest daughter,she was in Florida facing a judge during that time for resisting arrest.I realize she is young,and may outgrow it.I pray she does.I'm hurt more than words can say,so I'm not going to type away and hurt my hand right now.Using my laptop for blogging is umm just not as fun LOL:)

After school,we took Ashley to feet first,she got a billa bong t shirt(CUTE) and a pair of DC sneakers(adorable pair).Thankfuly they were on sale.Bily thought I spent 100$ at least,ummm no lol.I got everything for 54$:) good deal huh!I'm waiting on some items from www.crazy8.com.Its a new store for kids,a spinoff of gymboree.So far i like everything prety much,its very 'KIDLIKE" which I love.:)
I got TONS of stuff from Pat,as well,for Lauren.She is loaded ith 12 mos clothes and so far she fits in them:) I'm excited about dressing them,lol,its just one of the best things of having girls!The CLOTHES!I think billy is starting to catch on to that one LOL:) YES after all these years ROFL he wonders why i shop for them:)

He just stepped out,I got home,and did MY homework(fill endless forms out for the kids).I look foward to a LOVELY school year with my girls!;) it should be sweet.!
I'm hurt by some comments i hear,from my mom and stephanie.The things steph says about her,makes me furious.On the flip side,she sees NO wrong I think with ANYTHING stephanie does.Money is never no object and stephanie is spoiled rotten,she tells me the truth and my mom is now an outright liar,and exagerrator.I love her dearly but I cannot accept that in a healthy relationship.Do not treat me like a dumb ass.I react by going into a shell and just eventualy leaving.It hurts when those you love are the worse people you know.I

PICS:) Party N stuff:)

ONE month later..lots happened!

Well,today is a rainy crappola day lol,its Monday.I ran out and did tons of errands.One of them is get an oil change and my 15,000 mile work up on my van=) I love babying that thing lol!I love it and it means an awful lot to me.I'm sitting in my room and Billys been watching this movie about all sorts of stuff on google about the war,9-11 etc.Depressing lol.
My BIG news is Lauren is really walking more and each day!Yesterday she walks a few steps,five minutes ago I'm looking at her in my room and whalla there she is standing straight up!SHOCKING huh!I just love it,and on the same side feel sad.
She just turned ONE.THat went by wayyy too fast.We had a nice party,and I am happy with the way things are working out over all.Billys been the most loving,patient man I could ask for.Right now I'm in my room and Brianna just ripping apart my socks that are in the hamper (sigh) and enjoys pushing lauren around my room.Good thing I got a large enough room OYE!Kids@@.
Stephanie is back,there is a few things that happened,but overall we're getting through it for now.I love seeing her,and I'd rather have her here than in florida,that IS the bottom line(See howI feel next week lol).
We have only 17 days till school starts,which pretty much shocks me.SUMMER is almost OVER?WHere has the time gone?lol.we want to go wildwood one more time,and this weekend was out due to my cousin Cito's birthday party.Kids had a blast!Lauren got an awesome awesome blanket for her 'goodybag" lol its a ladybug,i have to take pics of that one Lol:0) afterwards we hit the mini carnival called blackbeards cave:)
WELL Just a quicky.....life is busy,school is coming,and we're all great:) KIDS LOVE Having lauren here and so do we:) THANK YOU GOD!
I have some more shopping to do,so we'll do things one day at a time:) I love what I got them allready for school:)

Here we go again!!!

BACK to the wildwoods that is :) we're staying at the Waters Edge.I love north wildwood,but this time we're trying out wildwood crest.Its more south.PLUS its not oceanview but ocean front...ack I m excited.I'm suppposed to be up here cleaning and packing due to having to check in by NOON or they charge us TWO HUNDRED bucks ugh,soooo no joke,we gotta GIT!!
I am SO SO SO glad I picked up the other stroller,so now each girl has an adequete stroller...debating on whether or not to bring the pack n play.I think so cause lauren did NOT sleep well in the bed with us..and what if its not againts a wall..ANYTHING can happen!Here is the link of where we'll be staying:)
http://www.watersedgeoceanresort.com/
SOOO this is Miss Laurens SECOND trip lol..to the wildwoods.Lucky lil princess.She is going to be all miss cutie in her gymbo get up.
I had quite a lovely surprise today:**) One of my wonderful online friends sent me a wetbag(xmas one which I LOVE and I will bring lol) full of diaper covers and ONE SOS fitted!Lauren wore the fitted allready N now is wearing a strawberry shortcake cover!My dh is going to think i lost my mind,because he bought a case of diapers and I'm bringing ALL her cloth dipes I want to bring:X haha!Diaper duty comes to me,he is so cool about clothe but thinks it should not be out on vacation.No laundry NO nothing,but does he know I DO NOT MIND washin diapers??HAH!
I got a new laptop...it is my b day gift and oye my birthday is not here yet!Its your cheap one from walmart but lemme tell ya i love it and it works super duper good compared to my dinosaur downstairs:X LOL.Ashley asked if we can bring it withus...i would like to but billy thinks my "internet addiction" can get a break.:)
I'll have to email everybody..and delete mail.I am up to 800 something.:( I know tomorrow i got all laurens and briannas stuff coming via the mail (fall clothing minus one yellow pool party dress for lauren,i love that and I ordered her a tye dye romper(winter),in pink n brown,etc..2 diapers..EAGLES will be here when I arrive!Back to work billy will go.:) Tuesday.Monday is going to rain and we'll be home!
LOL
Have a great weekend!Lauren is looing at me in our bedroom,making noises lol and we're going to pack.:) thankfully billy is downstairs cooking:)
I really just wanted to use my laptop.It seems dh is enjoying it lately ROFL!Mr "Why get a laptop??just get a desktop"? Ummm no,I am loving being wireless LoL:)
Hmmmm should i pack it??
I am bringing my digi,at least i can upload it,and delete pics,and take more!Unlike last time!
I need more memory for my digi!
I have to send laurens invites!
I have to get my back fixed,another issue alltogether!

1st MERRY GO ROUND RIDE~:)

BIG SIS ASH & Lauren on my porch!

THE BOARDWALK BABY!

Lauren in WILDWOOD!

ALL about Lauren....Dang she is something else!Well all us mamas think that about our lil ones:)
She LOVES her sisters.LOVES them.She wakes up,has her 10oz bottle of AVENT and than looks out from my bed to the door way and yells very loudly.ASHHH lol,its hilarious cause we think we're imagining it;) no she does not say BRI so the next best thing is ASSS AAAA :) We of course think its adorable!When her daddy goes to work,she waves pretty much and smacksher mouth to give him bye bye kisses!Ahhh i see her melting him lol,makes it so hard for him to leave.No wonder he leaves later than usual!Thankgod he self employed or else wow.lol,it'll be so hard for him to leave the house!He loves the girls,we're SO blessed there.We miss Stephanie,I'm so sad she is missing SO much of Laurens life.I'm also sad my mom is missing it too.I'm not letting it get to me though,as much as it could,but i won't.Lauren is lucky,she is happy and beautiful!Its their loss,not hers or ours.Unfortunately i will have to bite down the lump like always and let it go.Such is life.Her first birthday pary is coming,I cannot wait!We are going to have a big Pool party!We'll invite friends,it appears my friends are awesome!Thankgod!God is good,and there is apparently a reason for everything.
Today,Lauren is realizing we are HOME:) She enjoyed being away.The first night away in Wildwood she cried,when it was time for bed,cause she is SMART lol and knew it was NOT home hah!I could not believe it!I knew it,for i can basically figure out what she is thinking.The first night me and Billy did NOT get much sleep!She kept waking up,which she does NOT do at home,and fussing.She loves her crib,and it was not there!:::NOT TO SELF,do I pack her whole crib next time::: LOL!
She also enjoyed watching her sisters play,loves the water,IS A TOTAL water baby!She went swimming yesterday!She splashes and laughs while splashing!It is pure joy watching her!ALL my problems dissolve when i have my playtime with her.I look at her eyes,which btw,I cannot figure out what color they really are LOL.Yes they are blue,but the are also GREY & GREEN whatever clothes I put on her lol!Its amazing,she looks like her own self,different than the others,yet there are some resemblances.Time shall tell!:)
I just spoke to my mom,from Spain,Put this on hold lol!Dang I wish she would come home.=( I guess within a month.
My goals this week.
INVITATIONS written up and OUT!
Figure out theme for Laurens party!
Figure out what she is wearing.I don't want to buy more summery clothes,she has SO many!I would like something saying she is "ONE" but she'll be in her bathing suit,and than a terry robe or something all day so why bother LOL!Maybe a cute crown is all she needs for cake!:)
Life is good right now,Billy is working.I'm happy we got Lauren her marathon and her Blvd.I am debating on which to keep.I can go to BRU with one,or just keep both.I am considering giving Brianna one.I should've gotten the regent.I'm babbling,but its important to me,for her to be safe in the van.My last van was in a head on collision,and I remember Brianna was in her Britax Roundabout,which did NOT move.I would get another roudabout,but than I'd need to get a backed booster,sooooooo why bother.LOL,I could've gotten the Britax or Graco Backed booster.....Oh well!the seats are SOO PLUSH Omgosh!Much nicer than what Brianna had lol!
DH is going to wake up soon!Brianna is always talking,and she can EAT(I guess This is Lauren too lol).
Lauren tried ::GAG:: HOT DOGS yesterday!LOL she licked her tableclean lol!I took the skin out,and gave her some potatoes and she just loves taters.She gets lots of peole food(does NOT like scrambled eggs) and when I am not cooking,she'll get her baby food:)
I am NOT putting her right on milk at 1 yr old!OY I gotta get up!Brianna has my silver tanning pool floater,that I LOVE.It has a cup holder and everything!Watch her ut a hole in it UGH.My whole DECK is full of pool toys!I love the pool!I have to upload pics,but didn't take pics of the girls in the pool.Ashley had a few friends over,than I dropped them off,went to lauras,seen fireworks hung out,than came home!Alicia came over looking for pool help etc...OFF I go!
"ME"

Lauren in her SUNSTUFF!