SATURDAY,RAINY AND CRAPPY OUT

((I cannot believe how fast time flew,Miss Lauren when she was just an itty bitty newborn)) fyi,we're geting lauren and Brianna the itty bitty baby twins:) for christmas.Brianna the boy,and Lauren the girl haha how cute is that!



Its a rainy early saturday morning.Billy has to pick up my nephew to take him to the baseball game:) which is pretty neato.Right now everybody is up,minus Daddy who is upstairs still asleep.(can't blame the man lol).Ashley had her friend Destiny sleep over,what a sweet girl she is:) and Lauren is right now hanging with them in the parlor.!!
OH some exciting news!My brother is house shopping=) I am so excited for him,and THEY ARE HOPING to buy this house which is literally around 3-5 blocks away,I am SO PSYCHED.Than when that happens,my mom will sell her house,and buy a home in a retirement community(much cheaper)beautiful homes and over 1/2 the price cheaper with buying and taxes.One good thing about NJ is you CAN retire here:) WITH Those homes,and what they have to offer.Praise God for that!I can sell my house,IF we stay here till we retire,kids don't wanna leave,and I love our home.WE can just finish decorating,and its forever needing to do this and that,but I KNOW Once I do everything I envisioned,it is the home I dreamed of my chldrne growing up in:)
here is a list,which I should show Billy haha,what I really want done.
1.Paint te kitchen,the color I allready bought,like a medium beiege color,its very pretty,not dull:)
2.Living room beige and Burgandy,make the fireplace wall the big burgandy wall.
3.Take down ALL photos,and put them ALL going up the steps,which will be I think beige/or the color we allready have which is the color of our 2nd floor walls.We allready knew we had to paint within the next 2-3 yrs after construction.I'm still amazed how we added on double PLUS what we had initially:) a 3,000 sq foothome has a lot of appeal of what we can do to it.:)
4.Decorate our Bathroom,Old Bathroom,Make it totally different.WE messed up with the tile,and we have to repaint it.
5.Hire sombody to do our driveway.I want the stamped concrete driveway:) WILL look SO cool:)
6.landscape our yard,FINALLY,this is spring/summer time;)

Thats about it!OUR and our kitchen,eventually I know we'll need a new fridge,and I want a back splash on the counter walls.We also need hardare(the knobs) for the oak cabinets.I love the cabinets,so I'm leaving them be.They'll look great in anything we put in there,Oak rocks Imo:)
Granite counter is my first choice,but we may have to use something else.I don't want tile though.

WELL..Next thing on my mind is my mom.I am seriously worried about her health.Her shoulder hurts.Miss Brianna,the Bear (haha) is over there,she slept with her grandma "MA" and "PAPI" (grandpa):) She loves to spend time with them,they love her dearly and I miss her this early morning;) we'll be picking her up when we get Cito for his game.:)

MY GOALS:)
CHURCH every week.
Get my BACK fixed
SEE the ob/gyn ASAP
GET off Xanax permanently,never take it again.

I'd be much happier then:)
I'm sure they'll put me on something else,but still,its better than the stupid Xanax I'm on.I hate it.I hate my pain.My back is the worst right now,my cortisone shot on my knee is getting to wear off.MY lawyer is not doing much to help...and My insurance companies are both tossing my case to each other.
I THINK my back is from the birth of Lauren..the dang SPINAL and everything!BUT I DID injure it on the accident so who the heck knows,but how the heck do I get treatment???
I wish somebody would answer me here on Lala Land web world LoL:)
MY blurb blab for the morning;)
GoD BLES US ALL..may the SUPERBUG stay away and may the people in California stay safe:*(

PICTURES AND LOVE MY HUSBAND:)

HE is HOME:) He watched lauren ALL morning while I ran around all over the place(of course,it was raining anyways,which kept him home lol).He Treats me wonderful,pays the bills,provides for us,Loves our children with his whole heart,loves me with his whole heart,respects me,stays faithfull which in todays day and age,infedility is just a blink of an eye for so many people:( He disciplines our children in a way we both can work together.I love his voice,its the sexiest voice in the world:) I LOVE his hair,sexiest,totally wanna grab it and play with his hair,love his eyes,just one look at me with the love in it,I always run and hug him...ADORE his hugs,I think lifetime is not enough to get his hugs.Well I can write for eternity how much I love my husband,we've been married for 12 years,a BLINK,of time for us,I am in shock how FAST and FURIOUS our love and life just flew by.We had 3 beautiful,stunniing lil girls together.He adores my Oldest daughter from my previous marriage..I witnessed him do,and tolerate SO much drama from my family,I not only wanted to save Stephanie,I also wanted to Save Billy because it was quite traumatic to go through the bulshit we had to go through.I will not bring ugly into this post,only beauty and positivity.He is my ROCK,MY LOVE,MY HEART,MY SOULMATE,and I totally understand what the bible means by two become ONE,ONE flesh,ONE heart,Thats what we are.
We are FAMILY,OUr children came from OUR ADORATION,OUR LOVE for each other.
Billy,if you EVER read this,i love you with my whole heart forever and eternity.Again,one lifetime with you is not enough,which breaks my heart in a zillion pieces.Thank you so much for being YOU.I have beautiful,precious,LOVING memories of us together.There is not just ONE song that can satisfy what we have,we are definately LUCKY with our love for each other.I believe its a SPECIAL unique love,that not so many people in this world are able to grab it.I would be a lost lost puppy without you(him).
WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL Here are some more pictures,days of our lives,with our children.We took Brianna N Lauren fishing,and they just LOVED it,and we had so much fun just playing with them.Dang,sometimes the funnest things we do,are the things that cost NOTHING...just the SMALL stuff.The little hug here,the sunrise together there,etc.
THANK YOU HEAVENLY FATHER FOR EVERYTHING,Thank you for LOVE.


WELL..BELOW IS WHEN MISS BEAUTIFUL BEAR BRIANNA got her 2nd YELLOW STRIPE in her JIJITSU!She ROCKS in JIJITSU!I will video tape her sparring with a lil boy.:) LOL she made 2 boys cry,which literally LOL's me.I know,its really not funny but I couldn't help it:X




My HUSBAND:) Yep..loving what he loves to do..umm FISHING haha!
WELL GOD BLESS AMERICA today,PRAYERS for those who are in California,May the fires stop spreading=( I know of a few people who are out there,and i'm feeling so so sad for them.I hope none lose all their belongings;( that is just awful.
WHY do these things happen??:(

THURSDAY.PSYCH done/and rains galore

I wake up feeling exhausted today(what else is new) MISS LAUREN oye wakes up at approx 4am and stays up.She loves to use my head as a diving board to the rug..which not only hurts me,makes me cringe cause I'm SLEEPING and SUPER TIRED,it scares the living daylights out of me.My bed is SUPER high,and she has no fear at all.Yep,she fell of the bed before,and she knows how to climb DOWN from the bed using the safety of the blankets(SIGH).So there went MY sleep last night.I woke up and I had to get out the door.Signed miss Stephanie up again for psychiatry/counseling,you name it.Her friend sadly is in the hospitol with a coma,her age,her whoel life ahead of her.WHY?cause she decided to take tons of KLONOPINS(if you look it up,its a long acting benzo).WHY do these kids do that???It really puzzles me,and makes me very very sad.I will pray,and just try not to think about it too much ecause i'm honestly scared about bringing the kids up in todays world.The television alone is just nothing but turning kids into MUSH,and TV watching is just not done here as much as it used to be!Praise The Lord.I am so gratefull for that.We let them watch NICK at Night,or DvD's I bought.I love the old time shows,like the Brady Bunch,Little House on the Prarie,Leave it to Beaver,etc,those are the shows I want my girls to watch.Today I don't even enjoy the damn cartoons they have for our children(a majority of them,some i admit are cute).

Now the holidays are looming ahead.This year its not financial issues that bother me,unlike LAST year.This year its the dang LEAD and the toys from China.I'm officially(as well as my husband) boycotting chinese toys,clothes etc.how dare they try to poisen us,and if we go shop from them some more,damn we look dumb.I don't care if it costs 100$ more to buy things,I will buy from anywhere else.I can't promise myself I'll stick to JUST the USA made,cause thats literally hard as heck to do...and I can't give up my lil gymboree lol(not made in china though..whew).I have a magazine...Lillys Kids.I'm sure there is a website,www.lillyskids.com,their toys are just TOOO cute and I am going to pick up items there for Brianna AND LAUREN!OYE I am so so so excited for miss Laurens christmas.Its her SECOND one,but to me this is really her FIRST one,due that she'll really enjoy it:) she'll be aware of her surroundings:)
WELL here are my pics,I love love snapping pics of my kids.GOSH i love them!I love Billy too,he and I get into it,but our love has proven to prevail everything that so far came our way.We've been through everything bad,and of course good:) He still to this day,melts me just by looking at me a certain way.I LOVE the beginning but after 16 years together,and still having our passion.I say we're soul mates,and made for each other 10000%.I am SO SO glad I got divorced,cause I KNOW NOW/and when I FELL in love lol what true love,and falling in love WAS AFTER I got married (SIGH),sadly I married the WRONG PERSON the first time.Thankfully Life is good,and allows room for mistakes,and a new chapter.:)WE have LOTS of dreams still,which I will write about as i go along.

SAD,friend with Oral Cancer

I am so devastated.My daugher Ashleys friends mother Dawn,who I am friends/more aquantances with has oral cancer.She is somebody who walks by,smiles,and always giggles.She is such a bright person,and a wonderful mother.I am praying hard for a recovery.
I heard this news yesterday and I cannot get it out of my head.she is in the hospitol in NYC and will be there for 2 mos.I am sad for the kids.I know Elana,her daughter so well,and I know she is going to be crushed.I seen her at competition(ashleys competition,same team),she looked SOOOOOOOOOO Forlorn.Totally broke my heart!
I cannot imagine.Life is so short.We never ever know what will happen,when it will happen.
Love each other,each day of our lives.Its just too damn short.
I realize I spend SO MUCH TIME thinking of things that hurt me.I have to stop and will stop.People who want to hurt me,or don't care for me,SO BE IT.I will just let it go..its not MY fault.its THEIR fault.(I'm speaking of family).Friends,I love friends cause they are just wonderful:)

WELL yesterday was just another busy day.Jijitsu with Brianna and Than Cheerleading with Ashley.
Lauren has a stuffy nose.
I'm worried about Briannas foot.I have to call the dr and get her foot looked at.She is walking pigeoned toed again.(SIGH) no clue why!
I hope she is ok:(
Well.my lil blurb of the day.

sisters!

MY GIRLS LOVE LOVE EACH OTHER!!

LAUREN IS IN NEW CARSEAT!

YEP MOMMY Switched me around!LOL well the car seat,I'm still rear facing,and will remain so for a while :)
Well I say she is toooo small to be foward facing,yes she is 1 yr and OVER 20lbs,but that is the BEGINNING of the froward facing,so she's definately safer rear facing.To each its own:) She seems very comfy to me,ESP in the picture:) she loves the coziness of it.
I have another one,but she cannot see her sisters as well,this one is IT:) I love it 000xs more.gets dirty,i can buy another cover!HAH!
AWWW OUR SLEEPING BEAUTY in her crib.I want to make her a LADYBUG..this blanket works perfectly!LOL
r

wow..she has grown

LOOK at the picture of her on the top of the page:*) and look at her recently!WOW she has grown SOOO freaking much!WHERE THE HECK does the time go?HECK she is talking,not clearly lol but I know what she is saing which is surreal lol!

Here she is ALL DRESSED so PURTY!:) Gymbo Barnyard cuties outfit,with a cute red korker bow(not 100% sure onthe line lol) but surely looks like it to me ROFL.:) again...gymbofriends:)

Here is my LiL Bear,whom I have to get ready for jijitsu in like a few minutes LOLOL well its at 4:30.I need Ashley home so she can come with us cause right afterwards she has cheerpractcice.
FYI I"M FURIOUS MYSPACE IS GONE LOST AND HIJACKED!:*(((((

thurs,Pics,busy day and TGIF~!

Here are my two angels!Ashley & Lauren,LOL they are so much alike,in so many ways except their hair ROFL!I see Lauren talking early just like Ashley did.Brianna was late talker and now a leftie and totally "Brianna!Steph was a fast walker,I recall her b day her running around haha!Time flies with the lil ones!Well today is jijitsu,and I'm just NOT feeling good to go and GET GET GET.Tonight is cheerleading practice cause Ashley made it to the next round,if they win,they hit Florida!(no i doubt they'll win down there lol).

OMYGOSH TONS oF GYMBO Camae yesterday,I was in CHRISTMAS land LOL my mom could NOT believe the price I paid for THAT MANY CLOTHES!GO ME GO ME!Girls are going to be looking Smashing!:) I love being able to do that for them!
Here is something different,I just got from gymbofriends.com!I love that site too lol


**GROWN WITH LOVE** LINE!I still have Briannas stuff LOL UP in the ATTIC but I always liked that line,not LOVED IT,but liked it!




the PRICE was RIGHT SO I Grabbed it right on up!

I also got this...*got matching items home* Ha!I love when I get my ISO'S:)
This is called Imaginary friends,(for family and friends who don't know what gymboree is lol).I just love their stuff!HOWEVER I love other stuff,lol,like Ralph Lauren,Nautica,etc nike,etc.!:)

Saturday,the fall is arriving,or has it allready?

Its saturday noon,to be exact!I have Lauren in my lap,and Ashley next to me asking for her Hollister jeans,that she got not too long ago.I believe she has 2 pairs of this type jeans.For some reason they are her favorite,Hollister,and of course Abercrombie.Is it across the nation,or just here on the east coast?LOL whatever happened to limited too?I hated that store,well I'm relieved thats in the past cause honestly,its MORE money than hollister!
We were supposed to attend my nephews game,but we woke up to a COLDDDDDDDD house and just did not want to stop cuddling like a warm family in front of the big tv!I love mornings like this...daddy is home,and the kids are all together(minus big sis steph)...
Speaking of Stephanie,she is ok.She fluctuates wherever she feels.I guess now that she is the big 18,she figures she can do whatever she wants.I hope she gets a reality check and soon.She is a beautiful girl,and truley has changed for the better.The teen years with her was not not not easy.I do not think I am alone in this.I know there are TONS of mamas all over the country/if not world,but i feel this country is just getting a lil out of control with our children.Our children,tend to stray towards areas we do not want them to venture ever.I learned from Stephanie,and applying tough love to Ashley when she deserves it and than some.I am stunned as a mother when I see kids her age,out as I see them,and the sleepovers,and they just hang out ALL day after the sleepover.It baffles me,and I seroiusly wonder if A)the parents are NUTS or B) Parents dont' care or C)I'm just overreacting.I doubt i'm overreacting.I want to know where Ashley is at all times,i actually go peeking around in the park when she goes to see whats going on.That said,when she is ALLOWED to go.Sleepovers..EEK,she does NOT sleep out.When she does,its far and few.I know she is not happy with the arrangement,but than again,she can grumble and mumble,its the way it is:)
TOMORROW Ashley has CHEERLEADING COMPETITION:) we go to Trenton NJ once more.My other blog had pics of it last year,and I cannot get into it.:( Ever since I Upgraded,that was the end of my older blog unless I used flickr pics to take pics so it would post,and now that stopped as well.

As far as celebs,Im just stunned at how much attention the media puts on them.Especially somebody like brintey spears.With everything going on,all over the world,who the heck cares about Britney????I don't particularly dislike her,i actually DO like her,I feel she is a product of society,and as lucky she is with her $$,she is feeling empty inside.Can't let nobody in,cause of the $$ issues..its just a total royal mess.She should've stayed hangingout with paris..IMO.
WELL,God Bless The Girls tomorrow in CHEER and may Billy be OK with the girls as well!
OOOPS Laura,I bet she is not happy but i'm not happy of being a mule,a donkey for her.She wanted me to drive courtney HOME,and Umm NO i said.Put my foot down.I cant do tis over and over again.We're going tomorrow together...so I guess we'll have lots to talk about!
PRAISE THE LORD!I AM SO GLAD FOR THIS DAY,& EVERYTHING HE"S GIVEN ME AND OUR CHILDREN!

BACk,LIfe,Christmas...KIDS

My lower back hurts,Its something thats just not going away.Anybody have a clue what it could be?Do you think it could be from the dang spinal from the C sec?

Anyways,we're not far from christmas,and thats frustrating too!I'm in Ashleys computer and ALL i get is Brianna grabbing my face,(yes whilei'm in pain) to show me the tv and yell in my almost deaf poor ear,"I WANT THAT"...eek...please please go away tv,toys and christmas for what its NOT meant to be.Its meant to be the birth of christ,and its gotten way out of control.

Now I dont' want to be a scrooge,like my husband is(he ALMOST is lol) but he DOES have his points.I did enjoy the magic of christmas and enjoyed the make believe world my parents gave me.Its a gift,I remember once thinking they "LIED" to me,but yanno what,I got over that.I still can remember the looks on their faces watching me open my presents.I still remember my favorite christmas ever as a kid.We were at my abuelitas (grams in spanish) and I got a baby alive dolly:) I still remembered the smell(whenI smell dolls today It brings me back to when i was little).I kept asking papi(My dad) if he seen Santa,and he said "Yes,I think so"..LOL I remember the ride in the car,as a cute cute little girl(yep I was cute lol),and going up the stairs as FAST as I can,and there was a box.In the box was a Puppy.I do not recall ANY OTHER TOY,just the Puppy.SO its strange,all those toys I DID get,the puppy is one that stuck out and the snow falling on the ride home,and playing with my cousin dana in this "storage spot" with our dolls.It was our little "house".I miss those days.I cannot get over how fast life flew by.I want to give OUR children some magic..something to remember very well.Toys,yea,there will be some of those.I do not want to go overboard,yet,I do want to on the same flip side.Does this make sense.What I REALLy want more than anything,is to have my home exactly as the dream we've envisioned it.ME and Billy.My kitchen painted the color I picked,the Living room Painted Burgandy,and remove the pictures and redo it.I want a banister,and the steps completely stained(oak steps).I want everything exactly as it belongs and clean.I hate cleaning and I would be ecstatic if everybody pitched in more.My back hurting is making things just a real pita.

I do not know why some days I am so unhappy.I have everything to be happy about.I get depressed when Billy is home.He is depressed,so it passes on to me.I love him dearly,however when he is home,its like OK,NO MONEY that means NOTHING will happen or somethinglike that.I know we get by so I should be happy.I am addicted to shopping,Online mostly,Gymboree etc.I have to stop,and promised to stop.I also love buying cloth dipes....but right now I just need a few nice things I know will keep me totally off sposies completely.I would also like a nice pair of longies.SEE WHAT I MEAN lol my shopping,I could go ona nd on.I also LOVE hair bows!I should snap a pic of all the hair bows I have,and NO i did not get a discount or nothing!I paid hard earned money for those things!LOL nuts huh!Whatever for I do not know.They are cute,but WORD..at walmart they DO have bows with alligator clips LOL.Korkers no..but Bows..Yet.So does Gymboree:) so I'm going to stick with stuff I cannot buy;)

RIght now...Lauren and Brianna are playing with the leapster table,and watching THE PENGUINS movie!They are so cute together,playing so nice together.

I have to order online stuff that goes with my new sony cell phone.Yep I got it...but it does NOT come with the memory card.Its a walkman phone so DUR you need a memory card.It also does NOT come with the usd (SP) connector to upload music to the phone ughhhhh so at least thats cheap ON EBAY..THAKNGOD FOR EBAY HAHA!

WELL allas,my update!My poor back,my kids driving me nuts..and I'm just running all over.Here is brianna wanting a shoe tied....TTYL

HEARTBREAKS

I'm sitting here,Today is Stephanies 18th Birthday.Its almost 4pm and I have NOT heard from her yet.To top it off,I'm also hurt by yesterday which I'm soooo getting over it @@...sounds childish but if it hurt my feelings it must be somewhat legit cause i'm entitled to my feelings right??Hmmmm Anyways,my parents came back yesterday and it was nice to see them,I think of how when it was JUST us.My mom NEVER cared for me he way she does my own daughter.I feel its like,I'm hard of hearing so I wasn't the PERFECT daughter she wanted so whalla stephanie was born and she got the perfect little girl.I wonder about that now,Hmm a passing though.My dad,he however breaks my heart little by little day by day.More so than anybody in the world.I was always wanting to be daddies little girl.I see my husband with my daughters,and think WOW is that how "DADDIES" are.My faher is pai,and looks ahead stern and mad smetimes...Oh well!Life is what it IS.Cannot change people..I have to accept i am loved by those who DO love me,and NOT by those who don't love me.I have a feeling I'm expected to be this perfect person and my faults,human faults are rejected with a passion.It hurts when I see my dad and brother SOOOO close,and my brother i adore with all my heart,I do not place an IOTA of blame on him.YET I SEE them talking and being friends,and my heart strings are just flying around empty and ignored.
My MOM,lives 80% for steph,and the rest is us,a lil doggie bone LOL but i DO feel my mom loves me.Thankgod,I am so gratefull for Bily.I just wish he wouldn't be such a grump at times,:( and be more into going out with us..I feel lost.
WELL .my blurb...yes My daughter is EIGHTEEN TOdAY!
Oh my gosh.:X TODAY we're heading over my moms for cake!:)

MY SOUL MATE FOREVER N EVER N EVER