Pics,and of last summer

I really have to post an updated pic of THIS summer.hehe,billy I think gained a few lbs,but I know i LOST weight YEPPIE!I know its from the gym,and not eating like I used to.i guess the yogurt company did me a favor...I loved it and its GONE!Strawberry Banana Columbo Yogurt..GONE.POOF.It did give me a lot of heartburn though lol!
I am anxious for summer!
Ashley N Courtney are having an END OF THE YEAR PARTY,(sigh), at Courtneys house because its going to be a POOL party,and allas we do not have OUR POOL UP.Billy is looking to buy us a pool now,not sure what he wants.he said this morning we are getting a pool.He wants a pool.Ok,I'm game..but the gate better be able to come OFF.I do NOT want a built in pool.I am terrified of them:( gate or fence,they scare me with so many lil ones.When they get older,we can decide,or just buy a different house with a built in pool allready there!
I'm anxious for summer!
Yesterday I was at Lauras house,with my girls.They had a good time,me got some color with Laura.:) I feel badly cause I didnt' make it to the passion party this girl from my yahoo group was having.She lives SO close,but being with ileanna when she told me she was pregnant and than my brother coming home,compounded with endless bags of awesome clothes for lauren,just kept me super busy!THAN I had to make supper for Billy.


YES,Looking at the pictures,I lost a GOOD 20lbs LOL I am stunned!I look silly there but its an OLD picture.The B&W was not a good choice,with the tan and the light lipstick LOL!Billy however came out great:) This year will be the other way around LMAO(Kidding).
I'm goign to send him the pics,to show him what the RIGHT foods do.He'll notice the weight loss on my part and I think truley realize it LOL!

LOL kids JUMPING video!

Pix of Lauren waiting for Brianna

PICS cool pics pics pics

SOME CUTE PICS!

Lauren at the bus stop,waiting for miss Brianna!She has Serenas Fitted Diaper under her...fits GREAT!I love Dreamboat diapers!I may pick up some pockets and fitteds from her soon.Right now I promised no more diaper shopping,cause Lauren has plenty for now.I want to get her a minky one size diaper.Thats my next diaper buy I think / or fluffy buy lol!

Here is Lauren trying to grab things from the dresser.In this dresser consists all her diapers,and wipes etc..LOL the end drawers has snow pants,mittens etc.Too funny,a whole dresser for diapers?Of course its gotta go,its holding JUNK.I want that dresser to go...and soon.Maybe this weekend,I can buy lil crates or something,and a stuffed animal thing for the corner.It'll be a lot more tidy.

The next pic is lauren with her CUTE OUTFIT riding her horsey:) I forget the name of that line,Something with Love.I THINK..LOL.I got it NWT in ebay,for like 4$ lol.Gotta LOVE ebay!

Bad news,bet i think it'll be ok

I went to my dr's yesterday,and I got two different news.One is my liver,the enzymes level was high.Not sure what that means,but i have to go today for blood work for HEP B & C..NO WAY could i possibly have hepatitis,how the heck do you get that??How weird is that.My friend lori has Hep C but You can only get it through blood right?Makes NO sense!Doc asked if I had blood transfusion,so he is clearly concerned:( :(.
I am stopping the Effexor,cause I read that anti depressants can cause Fatty Tissue in the liver,soooooo ADIOS!I took them in the past,and NO more steroid treatments on my knees either,I swear,you listen to docs to heal one thing and you can get sick with another issue.I'll find out more soon enough (SIGH).
NEXT,is I have endometris or whatever in the lining of my uterus & the lining is xyz thick(I should bring the paper that states exactly what).SO I have to see a OB/GYN to fix that.I also need to get one of those conoscopy things,u/s etc..UGH.Last thing I NEED now is a Hysterectomy(SP).BUT I allready had surgery for my cervix..I am concerned,why I am always nauseas,and tired.I do the gym,and this week I exhausted it,I am goign this morning.Its raining so Billy will be home.He cannot work in the rain.I dont' want to bring Lauren to the gym.I don't mind,but its easier just putting sneakers on and go.I think working out and eating healthy will help heal myself on my own.I'm planning on looking up Herbs and stuff that help with the liver.
I am NOT taking Tylenol ever again either!

I spoke to my mom,I'm sad that my grandfather is doing so poorly.It breaks my heart t hinking of him not being able to walk from his room 4 feet to the bathroom:( AND him falling.He has a huge tumor in his lung,I don't see him making the next year.How awful is that:(
I miss my mom a LOT.Especially days like yesterday,she is SO helpfull when it comes to the little girls,when I have doc appts.I had to bring them yesterday,even though Laura says "just ask" and "I'll watch them".I guess I should just "ask".My mom says to "ask" Ileanna,she'll watch them too.I guess I'm silly for NOT 'asking".I'm just used to just my mother,me or my husband watching them.So are they.The only other person who has 'watched' the lil ones is Ashley.She is a mature 12 but she IS ONLY 12..but an hour or so for the docs..she'll handle that perfectly.SHe's proven herself a few times allready and we pay her very well for it.LOL.So she knows she is helping out her own family,and gets an allowance and pay for when she "sits".She wants to 'babysit" outside of home,I told her she can have a job next year.WAY too young to want to work I think,::shrugs::: I want her to be a lil girl as long as possible.She so far has been great,normal 12 yr old.She has friends,drama,does good in school,and is respectful and loves her sisters,and family.Brianna is always a goof..my lil tomboy/super excited about summer!She was saying stuff about wanting just a "SMALL" pool in the yard,where its up to her knees,and the sprinklers,and we'll have "fun" and I can sing to Lauren and her,and we can play.Just the way she says it,sooooo cute and sweet.To be 6 again,LOL what a lovely age.I love my kids.
Stephanie spoke to me yesterday from Florida.She is happy out there,I miss her.She has been through the wringer,& me too..but I know she is unhappy with herself.She is in outpatient treatment for depression and substance abuse.I think she should go INpatient..we'll see what happens.She ""Loves"" this guy Anthony,soooo if so,she should try to get better.Or else they won't work out.Life is "hard" as it is,to toss in a mix of the above to it.
Oh Ashley had a class trip:) LOL she loved it.It was at the museam in Philly.Her only complaint was it was a long drive.The boys were teasing her about the Ben Franklin Bridge is going to fall down while they drove over it.She has a fear about bridges.I don't know why..but she always hated bridges.

Anyways,its 5am,and I'm UP.I dont' get WHY I get up every morning at 3am.I miss sleeping alone with my husband:( I love lauren,but the co sleeping bit,is nice but I basically miss my husband.Its not how I wanted it to be.It just fell into that,I am going to start going in her bed with her,and wait till she passes out,than leave.
Thats it...or fall asleep and Myself leave lol..either way,its whats next.Brianna complained that Lauren wakes her up,SO we let lauren in our room.WHat happens next...BRIANNA started sleeping on our bed too.GOOD THING we have a huge king sized bed,or else FORGETABOUTIT..even SO it wakes me up.She sleeps on the bottom part with her feet BY my face,UGH.Lauren sleeps sideways,and me and billy both get kicked all night.I enjoy it,I turn over and let my back get kicked at.My back hurts every damn night.I hate it.I suppose a new mattress is in order?
We plan and plan,have the money but never GO do it.I suppose we like to 'save" the money,cause emergencys DO happen and we like to be prepared.Many people shop with an extra thousand or so,we have to save it.I am not happy unless there is a few thous saved,and we have our bills paid without TOUCHING the money we save.If we have to dip into that,I consider us BROKE.BIG TIME.Speaking of shopping,this week I spent over 300$ in clothes for Ashley(but did get Brianna 2 outfits lol and 2 shorts,and 1 top for lauren,and a pair of cute canvas sneakers at old navy).Myself two tops..blah blah,CUTE though.Now that I have some more toneness to my body,and arms,the tops I got looked SO cute.I am waiting on Gymboree for the girls(lil ones),and Some cloth diapers arrived for Lauren.I also got her G diapers.I bought BAC OUT,and it works GREAT for stains and what not!I am waiting on bows now too for Lauren N Brianna.:) Brianna is starting to let me do her hair again.I sing my Praises lol.Her hair got LONG in the back now..N its so much thicker than Ashleys allready.She is so pretty but the way she dresses,and wants her hair so BLAH drives me NUTS.i want to put earrings on her,necklaces,you name it.(SIGH)..I embrace how she is though and do not dare try to change her into something she is NOT.I feel they need to discover their OWN Identity.She is tomboyish but loves girly stuff too.Its cute:)
GAWD,I babbled enough:)
I miss mom,Steph,I love you guys...papi too,and Abuelito:(

MAY 07 slideshow!

MAKING MONEY TIME!~

i will be selling stuff real soon.Snapping pics of 1000989809890890 things I have that I should be selling.I am going to start with ebay,and than open another photobucket site,or a blog as well with stuff for sale!
TOO Much to put right on ebay LOL!
Anyways,tomorrow ain't the day to do it,I will start right after memorial day weekend.
I will have gymbo to part with..as well as LOTS of cloth diapers.Mostly smalls/newborns and SOME mediums.I will send the links when the time comes:)

Anyways,tomorrow consists of running around.The day after is the dentist,than dr's...etc.etc.etc.Neverending,I look foward to memorial day weekend when WE CAN CHILLLL the heck out!
Today I spent the day,as well as yesterday not doing much of nothing.I did go to shop rite,etc..pharmacy bla blah,but got nothing much done...other than TONS of laundry.
Lauren got a tummy virus of some sort so I wounded up doing her diapers today...SO MORE laundry!I think APPLE juice is the culprit lol...otherwise she is doing great:)
Last night me and Ash got another bike ride..tonight we hit shop rite together.Its real neat that she also gave Brianna a bath without me knowing,THANKS ASHLEY:) all those itty bitty things HELP SO MUCH!
So I won't be on for a few days....Supposedly billys nephew and friends and maybe brothers are coming down for the weekend.COOL,but i also plan on doing my own thing lol:)
Thankgod for friends:) I don't know what i'd do without them!Pics above are 1)Brianna trying on some of her gymbo.She is NOT into it much at all but summer WILL come so BLAH she will have NO choice.She is definately a tomboy LMAO!Second pic is lauren, she got her hair washed,and put up!She is wearing a dappi cover with a fitted diaper..LOL.YOu cannot tell here!:)
3.Billy is counting money I think..this is before we headed out to the wake/and funeral up north.:(

old pics of lauren with cloth!

I have some NEW pics,but I will upload them maybe today and put them up to compare LOL!
here she is,a year ago:):*)

THREE times this week!

I made my goal:) 3xs this week to the gym.This week I also met ANOTHER goal..Lauren went by herself to the daycare.She loved it and did NOT cry,not ONCE.Today she went 2nd time,and again NO crying!I am so proud of her.I can take her to the gym and she hangs out and plays.So now i can continue with working out and achieving my 30lb loss.I am not eatign much at home,and its starting to show.Its been a month and half,and I haven't been going as much as I would like to.I do see my goal happening,as long as I stick to it.:)
This week has been chaotic,one day rain,the next beautiful out.After returning from up north,the funeral which was a crazy night after the wake.(SIGH).I went to this place called the GIN MILL and shouldn't of drank like I did,I'm a non drinker really and it hit me and hit me hard.At least I had fun,and felt like I was 20 again.The wake though broke my heart:( I felt super sad.I will miss Danny and his wife,I feel just horrible for her.
I had a great time talking to my MIL:) I missed her and I feel like is going by so fast!
WEll,now dh is home from work.Its Saturday:) Lauren is worn out,or something,she took a nap,Ashley came home making noises and woke Lauren up.(SIGH) so much for goign to the park:( i feel guilty now.Well,maybe tonight we can hit the boardwalk or something.I cannot believe we're heading into JUNE.I just put another order in gymboree..AND i have found out that there is one gymboree in SEA GIRT(SO CLOSE) and an OUTLET in JACKSON(SO CLOSE) lol both closer than where the original gymboree WAS prior to those two.AND there is a crazy 8 at the store where the original gymboree was (AND STILL IS LOL).Its time for me to separate stuff and start SELLING:) I have wayyyyyyyyyy too much,of ONE name brand clothing..Gymboree.WHY did I get started with that?LOL.Lauren right now is wearing her TARGET clothes which is SO cute(osh kosh) etc..I love that too.It truley is fun dressing her,and picking out diapers for her day:) packing her bag with the diapers as well.NO,I don't use the disposable plain ol diapers that take 500 years to disingrate in the ground.I cannot fathom the thought of LAURENS diapers living on and still on the earth,after she,and her great great great grand children are born and gone!To me that is rediculouse.WHY are companies so greedy,that they have to destroy the planet for money?Its sad.VERY much so.

Last,I miss my mom.I feel like i'm a dissapointment no matter what.Its frustrating for real.
XOXO

MY MOTHERS DAY

ITS MOTHERS DAY
I got FLOWERS and I GOT CHAIRS ROFL
Cool RETRO looking booth chairs,for the nook.
BIlly wrote a card,and signed it DH LOL not BILLY but DH That is so funny!
He is shaving now,we're leaving even though its chilly to do our tradition and
walk the boardwalk.BRRR..I better wear something WARM:)
I cannot wait for summery days!

MOTHERS DAY POEM FOR MY MOM(took a fe

I wrote this SO fast,its what I feel today.My mom is in spain,and I can't see her:(
SO She'll get this,I think she will love it.I am not a poet lol I could've made it better but for a few seconds of writing what pops up,I think I did rather well:( It made me cry though:(

Happy Mother's Day!!!

YOu are SO missed:(
I wish you were home...
But you are where you wish.
All of us are here without you
we'll smile,laugh and make do.
Know that you remain in my heart.
So far away,you n me are apart.
I spend this day thinking of you.
Just want to let you know.......
I love YOU.
Enjoy Spain,the trees and wind,and abuelitas memories..
I will be in Seaside,with the kids with me missing everybody who is not with me.
I will look up at the sky,see the stars.
knowing you can see them too,
and at least you'll See how much
I love you.
XOXOXO
NANCY
From my heart,in an insant..I love you & hope your day is cheerfull.
May God keep you safe..
I miss you very much.More than you know.
I drive by your house..and its always such a blow..
My family is gone,they all went away
I smile,and keep going,
realize that everybody will be back........SOMEDAY.

SAT MAY blabs

me and Ashley.:)
I love this pic of us>:)
She is such a cutie & a good girl.I am praying and hoping that she continues to be honest with me & feels comfy talking to me!
ANyways updates for me...WHILE lauren is at my arm again..hard to type LOL she is a pistol.I have a few minutes before we run to stephanie N shawns house(steph not my daughter,steph a friend) lol its her graduation party.I was not in the most festive mood,knowing we have a wake/funeral to attend this week.
This is our plan,so far,go to the wake and up north NJ on monday.
Yesterday lori came over,crying:( it was so sad..The loss of Danny is immense.I can't believe it and I just feel so awful for his wife.They've been together since she was THIRTEEN,and I KNOW that we're going to see people we haven't seen since wow,10 plus years.I grew up in Kearny and live in ocean county NJ..so its quite a move.I am gratefull to be gone from there,everybody (almost) lives at the bars and depressed I think:( HECK i get depressed and anxiety but now I'm worrying about other sorts of things.health,everything,this can happen to anybody at anytime.It hits me how Billy or the kids can be here one day and GONE the next.REALLY cherish our time together,I will not YELL,I will have more patience and enjoy doing everything that I DO for my girls.I miss my oldest and my mother.:( but I can't make their choices for them.They chose to do what they do.
I'm hurt by alot of their actions,not Stephanie but more so by my mothers.I love her,and dont' want to hurt her so I don't bother saying anything.Why bother?
I just know now what NOT to do..I know my brother is feeling the same hurts I am feelling.Its prett bummy.:(
At least he has my father.I'm going to see a psych,because I know that the root of it all is that my dad had lack of love for me...and I was a pampered lil girl,mostly by my grandmother:*) I misss her terribly.
I'm so behind in my mails!I have SO much to vent,I need a private diary LOL
well,billy is out biking with Brianna and than we're heading to see Stephanie & Shawn tha pick up Ashley from Lauras house(she is with Courtney).Are they best of friends again?LOL Its silly 12yr old stuff but wow some can be serious!I take all her problems serious.
Laterzzzzzzzzzz

**SOB**** TIME FLEW!LOOK at the ITTY BABY!

SHE was SO LITTLE and SO SO SWEEEEEEEEEET!
What happened??TIME FLEW!
LOOK below...LOL there is how she is now!SO BIG!
I am getting for her birthday some NICE BLING!Beautiful hoop earrings!:::on the hunt now;::
YES I am a shopaholic..i guess stimulus don't have to worry about me LMAO!
We want a tv though...AND a new fridge!
TIME TO SHOP!OOOOMPA!
Something to cheer me up,no more newborns for me:( I love babies..love love them so much!I love my kids!

LOOK SEE HOW BIG SHE IS NOW!

Here is miss Lauren:) Today I went a LIL TAD NUTTY AGAIN with gymbo for her and Brianna lol..I love it and its ALL hanging so nice and new in the closet!ALL ready for spring and summer!I hate dressing her nice in new clothes for the park or home,but I realize today,that I HAVE to start dressing her LOL or why did I BUY those things??ROFL!I may go back and pick out 2 more dresses for her.I love their dresses and right now their is a gymfriends code!I bought alot on ebay too,which I don't even know WHY.I bought stuff at target,I may have to return caues its TOO big lol (sleeves,its some spagetti strap adorable stuff that are like swing tops/but I think size smaller would fit better).She is a thin lil girl..:)
Brianna,I got her tons of Bermuda shorts that you can button up to normal shorts and matching tops.She also likes skorts..(ONLY when you dont need STockings LOL)!
I am now cloth diapering A LOT LOT more again now:) AND loving it...Our G diapers came and they are mostly for outtings since I do NOT have enough reliable go out for hours diapers LOL(Kidding)...but still need some more.:) My next buy will probably be some DryBees.I want to try it!SO bad,AND I am preferring aio's over Pockets all of a sudden.I'm tired of stuffing pockets!I love these THICK sherpa contoured diapers I have,and I put those inside a bummis cover..they work WONDERFUL!too bad I only have two LOL.
Patty Naps n Wraps,when I had Brianna back when...long ago!

Sad..somebody died...and weather is awful!

Our friend,well not really a "FRIEND" per se,but somebody we knew for years and years died yesterday late afternoon.its so sad,and I feel horrible for the wife and kids.She found him sleeping and put him in the tub,thinking he'll wake up there.(sigh) she must've been in denial or something:( When somebody dies,it just rips you up kwim.I am thinking of when we saw him this summer at a barbeque at my friend Lori's house.:( Lori is close to them.Anyways,we're debating on whether to go or not.
Tomorrow there is a lil get together for dh's friends wife.She graduated from college,and surely a celebration is in order!!I am like/what do we do/go to the funeral or go to the party.wat a tug of my heart that is!

Anyways,I also wanted to see my In laws.They aren't feeling good.I'm feeling sad caues bily mentioned going up to viisitbut I get tehe impession she just doesnt' like children around,i guess she is not feeling good!!
Right now I can't even type,cause Brianna is here yelling in my ear!She is not having a good day now!The morning started out wonderful...but ugh for now!I got lauren climbing over me,wanting to open a dang v tech laptop that she keeps closing....Brianna keeps tapping and complaining.I think she is having middle child syndrome!
Today was our mothers day tea party at school and I had a great time.I was all teared up...but right now..OYE why is Everybody crying and screaming over nothing!??
I'm leaving the pc LOL running to the parlor and staying there haha!
Its rediculouse,using the desktop in the play room.Brianna gets ticked off and Lauren screams within minutes.This is the night tonight..:X

Brianna N Ryan!

This is Brianna playing Golf with Ryan!Yesterday after the park!LOLOL...Brianna can play with both,boys AND girls!She is such a hoot!Ryan loves her too!They play so cute together..AND YES Ryan is Lauras son.OOPS I gotta go,OFF to drag Lauren with me to the counselors LOL..I hope she is in a good mood.She is wearing her cute purple "posies" gymbo one piece outfit LOL...its a tad big.LMAO..but so cute!
OFF to do her hair,and leave.I'll try to remember my digi!OUR GYMBO order came today,(more stuff) but GYMBFRIENDS is coming up.....and tomorrow Brianna has a new outfit to put on.I picked out stuff this time that she liked..thank heavens!LOL

My closest Female Friend in the world...

This is LAURA.:) She's been my friend wow..since we were in the 4th grade.:) MY ROCK,even though we go through our fizzles,we always come back strong.She is tough,yet has her momments.I love her dearly,our daughters are so close,( ashley N Courtney)..Omygosh I have so many memories and pictures!
OH and she's my lil buddy for the gym:) LOL THANKS LAURA for the guidance to go to OXYGEN!I just LOVE IT!
SPeaking of..I think i'll be calling her soon LOL!

I want a TATOO!

YEP,
I want a tattoo!WOW now at my age!YES I DO!I don't know exactly what,but I want it on the back of my neck.Maybe chinese writing that symbolizes the most important thing in the world to me.."MOTHER".
Whatcha thinK?

I also want,after I meet my goal at the gym..something in my lower back,but again,at TIS AGE??LOL now gravity will just take over,but there I would love some beautiful butterflies,meaning I came out from being a lil worm....and flew...that is when I accomplish certain goals....

than I want something sweet,in rememberance of my grandmother,a cherub,or something adorable,and i want something / a cross in rememberance of Christ.
I also want something to signify my love for Billy...
OK,my tattoos...I want ALL the above symbols..I need to look them up!HEHE!

lauren babbling groceries hah!